Lord of the Rings hobbit extra worried about being typecast

Bitter
22-year old Kevin Barner has lashed out at Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson for “Utterly ruining my life,” after “Casting me aside once I had finished playing my part of 13th hobbit on the left sitting at Table D.” The then 10-year old Kevin initially thought that he “had really hit the big time,” but has not heard from Peter Jackson since collecting his £73 appearance fee back in January 2001.

“I showed a lot of guts doing that part and I even threw in some improv to show them what I could do. If you look closely near the start of the film when the fireworks are going off, you can see that I raise a mug to my lips. You would never guess it but that part wasn’t even in the script, it was all my own work. I had a bellyache that day but the subtle belching was so well controlled that it just looks like part of what is happening in the scene. No-one else could have pulled that off so naturally.”

Pain

The neglect that Kevin has felt ever since appearing in the critically acclaimed multi-million pound grossing film has “Permeated every aspect of my life.” Even something as simple as “sitting at the back of the bus and minding my own business,” leaves him feeling stressed due to the fact that “Everyone is staring at me knowing that ten years ago I was sitting down in the exact same pose and pretending to be a hobbit.”

A recent summer BBQ was ruined because “The moment I sat down and picked up a drink a girl asked me if I wanted to take my shoes off and go for a paddle in the pool with her, clearly poking fun at the fact that hobbits go around bare foot all the time.” Kevin was so distraught that he “Stormed out in anger,” and almost screamed when someone asked where he was going as it was “Obviously a reference to the bit where Gandalf is shouting at the fire demon.”

“Still, I had the last laugh after stealing one of Legolas’ fake ears.”