Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Lord of the Rings hobbit extra worried about being typecast

lotr-ringBitter
22-year old Kevin Barner has lashed out at Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson for “Utterly ruining my life,” after “Casting me aside once I had finished playing my part of 13th hobbit on the left sitting at Table D.” The then 10-year old Kevin initially thought that he “had really hit the big time,” but has not heard from Peter Jackson since collecting his £73 appearance fee back in January 2001.

“I showed a lot of guts doing that part and I even threw in some improv to show them what I could do. If you look closely near the start of the film when the fireworks are going off, you can see that I raise a mug to my lips. You would never guess it but that part wasn’t even in the script, it was all my own work. I had a bellyache that day but the subtle belching was so well controlled that it just looks like part of what is happening in the scene. No-one else could have pulled that off so naturally.”

Pain

The neglect that Kevin has felt ever since appearing in the critically acclaimed multi-million pound grossing film has “Permeated every aspect of my life.” Even something as simple as “sitting at the back of the bus and minding my own business,” leaves him feeling stressed due to the fact that “Everyone is staring at me knowing that ten years ago I was sitting down in the exact same pose and pretending to be a hobbit.”

A recent summer BBQ was ruined because “The moment I sat down and picked up a drink a girl asked me if I wanted to take my shoes off and go for a paddle in the pool with her, clearly poking fun at the fact that hobbits go around bare foot all the time.” Kevin was so distraught that he “Stormed out in anger,” and almost screamed when someone asked where he was going as it was “Obviously a reference to the bit where Gandalf is shouting at the fire demon.”

“Still, I had the last laugh after stealing one of Legolas’ fake ears.”

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24 responses to “Lord of the Rings hobbit extra worried about being typecast

  1. Pete Howorth 12/02/2011 at 10:17 AM

    You’d have thought he’d have been cast in The Hobbit films?

  2. myemilyrose 12/02/2011 at 1:48 PM

    I adore lotr 🙂

    • Michael Cargill 12/02/2011 at 2:13 PM

      I have never read the books but I like the films. I am hoping to get the extended versions on bluray for Xmas. You can pop round on boxing day and watch them with me if you want…

      Everyone should check out Emily’s blog by the way. She has added a couple of pictures and they are real corkers.

      • myemilyrose 12/02/2011 at 4:12 PM

        Oh stop. 🙂 I am a real nerd, read the books AND I’ve already seen the extended on blu ray, one word AMAZING. When they say extended they mean it, if you’ve read the books you definitely notice what they had to cut out.

        • Michael Cargill 12/02/2011 at 7:24 PM

          Are the bluray extended versions any different to the DVD extended ones? I have those ones already so if there is any extra footage then that would be great.

          Otherwise it’s just an excuse to see Gandalf’s beard in HD.

  3. breezyk 12/02/2011 at 4:02 PM

    We should start some sort of campaign for Kevin….. couldn’t hurt, really.

    • Michael Cargill 12/02/2011 at 7:35 PM

      Breezy! I believe this is your first comment on my blog – welcome.

      Starting a campaign for Kevin isn’t a bad idea but I feel he may take it the wrong way. Giving him some money will simply remind him of the scenes in LotR where money was seen or talked about.

  4. inspectorshmi 12/02/2011 at 4:17 PM

    is this for real??

    • Michael Cargill 12/02/2011 at 7:36 PM

      This is all 100% real. A real as the nose on the moon’s face. Thank you for visiting and subscribing.

      Do you have your own blog Inspector? I get a message saying that the blog is no longer available when clicking on your name.

  5. Lily 12/02/2011 at 4:26 PM

    Hobbits kind of creep me out. Especially if you look like a hobbit in real life.

    • Michael Cargill 12/02/2011 at 7:51 PM

      I don’t look like one but I have, on two seperate occasions, resembled them.

      Once was at work during the summer when I wondered around the business park in bare feet. The other was at a friend’s wedding in Mississipi when I was dancing with a bridesmaid. She had taken her shoes off ‘cos of the heels, so I took my shoes and socks off and rolled up my trouser legs.

      I looked bloody awesome I have to say.

  6. Becoming Bitter 12/02/2011 at 4:32 PM

    Handling a mug looks like a hard job. They should have compensated him. *sarcastic*

    • Michael Cargill 12/02/2011 at 7:53 PM

      I once dropped a mug at work and it broke. It was a new Prodigy mug I got when they released a new album the other year and I was really sad.

      It’s a harder job than you think.

  7. mooselicker 12/02/2011 at 5:34 PM

    The same thing happened to Patrick Renna, the fat kid from The Sandlot, Ham. He was also the fat kid from The Big Green. Now he’s a Scientologist like every child actor of the 1990s. Can’t we learn?

  8. kickingsport 12/02/2011 at 10:47 PM

    Ah I remember this guy’s performance well. Would have given him an Oscar over Viggo Mortensen any day.

    • Michael Cargill 12/03/2011 at 1:23 AM

      I had to look him up on Wikipedia – I didn’t know it was him in A History of Violence! I remember watching it aaaages ago wondering where I had seen him before.

  9. Raine 12/04/2011 at 11:32 PM

    You know what makes these posts even better for me? I don’t have it in me at all to write this sort of humor. It’s fantastic! It’s something that I would never think of. I think I spotted this little fella on South Beach yesterday. But Nigel Barker was on the other side of the street. So I went after him instead.

    (No, seriously. Nigel Barker was on the beach yesterday. My friend saw him…and the lead singer of the Wallflowers…)

    • Michael Cargill 12/05/2011 at 8:59 AM

      Glad you like this sort of thing, it amuses me greatly as well!

      I had to look up who Nigel Barker was. I am not surprised you were more interested in him than some short and angry bloke.

  10. Addie 04/28/2012 at 11:19 PM

    I was always more of an elf kinda gal–hobbits would leave hair in the sinks and want everything at their level. No thanks.

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