Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Tag Archives: Wrestling

Hulk Hogan reviews a thong

Hi there!HulkHogan

Anyone else find themselves bamboozled by all the new technology that appears each week? Seems that every time I walk into a shop there’s a new mobile phone out or someone’s figured out how to put wifi Internet onto a banana. Crazy, huh?

Anyhow. The other day I was out shopping with the wife when I caught sight of some purple elastic things that reminded me of the strings I used to put on my favourite catapult as a kid. ‘Course, these ones in the shop were pretty large so it got me wondering how big modern catapults are and just who in the heck would be capable of holding one… and the only people I could think of was the tallest man in the world and Yogi Bear.  You ask me that seems like an awful small market with little chance of repeat business.

Well, imagine my surprise when I realised that they’re underwear garments! I asked my wife why she liked them and she just shrugged and said “because they’re kinda kooky” without so much as missing a beat. ‘Course, this got me thinking again and I started getting all excited at the thought of biting down on one of these thongs and finding some chocolate chips hidden inside or maybe even a juicy raisin or two. I asked my wife which ones were the oatmeal type and she just looked at me like I was all crazy. “Kooky, not cookie,” she explained, in a way that made me feel about this small.

As a modern man I decided it was only right for me to try them out for myself and lucky for me the shop had a three-for-one offer; I got meself a blue one, a cheeky red one, and a yellow one that had a picture of a cute little rabbit on the front. At first they felt kinda strange but after an afternoon of playing around in the garden with the dog I’ve started getting used to them. Admittedly my little fella popped out once or twice but I don’t think any of the neighbours saw, thank goodness.

Well, I must dash as there’s one heck of a smell coming from out the kitchen; I think my kookys might be burnin’.

Steve ‘stone cold’ Austin finally gets central heating installed

Steve Austin here and I want to tell you about a man who rSteve Austinecently entered my life and changed things forever. Life is pretty darned cold in my ice palace these days and I was sat down at breakfast eating a bowl of Coco Pops ice cream, when there was a knock at my door. I got up to answer it – I was wearing shorts and I lost a few layers of skin because my legs were stuck frozen to the chair – and this guy in a suit was standing there on my doorstep, looking at me with real intensity. His name badge stated that he was Jeff from a company called ‘Radiators and Warmth 2 Go’ and I will never forgot the moment he opened his mouth to say, “Hi, my name is Jeff and I work for a company called Radiators and Warmth 2 Go.”

I usually have to put down a rubber mat for visitors so that they don’t slip around on the icy floor but not for this guy. He had done his research and had brought his own pair of spiked shoes, something that impressed me a great deal because it showed he cared about the customer; I like that a lot. He then showed me a little slideshow presentation of what his company does, how long they have been in business, and a lot more besides. There was even a cartoon mascot and when it got to the last few slides where the cute little mite was pulling faces and doing goofy poses, I was literally rolling around on the floor laughing. Once that was all done he got right down to business and out came the laminated brochure and samples of the products.

It took me a good three hours or so to make my final choice as he had so many samples for me to play around with. He had cross-sections of the radiators, pieces of the supply pipes, and the wildest selection of taps I have ever seen! I had great fun poking my finger all around the insides of the radiators, playing peek-a-boo with the pipes, and using the taps as juggling balls. Me and Jeff had a complete whale of a time and I have been as snug as a bug in a rug ever since it was all installed.

Hey, that last bit rhymes – maybe it’s time to change my name.

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