Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Tag Archives: twister

Justin Bieber’s mother discovers rash on son’s penis


Bath night in the Bieber household took a sinister turn after a suspicious rash was found on The Boy Wonder’s penis at the weekend. His shocked mother, who discovered the rash during “Pee-pee washup time,” said that it “definitely wasn’t there last Thursday.” At first she thought that it was “Just some packaging residue from when the family had been playing naked Twister,” but despite “scrubbing at it really hard and saying a silent prayer to Jesus,” it refused to go away.

Justin, a professional on-stage water bottle dodger, said that he didn’t know where it came from but he had noticed that his “Wee wee pipe had been itchier than normal,” ever since he had “stayed the night round Kim Kardashian’s house at the weekend.”


Justin decided to spend the night at Kim’s after “She told me that I was a good boy and that she likes good boys. This made me happy because my mummy says the same thing whenever I carry the heavy shopping to the car for her.” At first Justin had been nervous but said that the “Nurses uniform that Kim was wearing made me feel safe, it was just like being at the hospital for a chicken pox check-up.”

He enjoyed the slap-up meal of “Alphabet spaghetti, chicken nuggets and curly fries,” but said that the jelly they had for pudding “Tasted a bit bitter and weird. I still ate it though because it was yellow jelly, which is my favourite.” They then played some board games and “watched Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie before going sleep sleeps.”

“The next morning Kim told me she had got up early to play Hide the Sausage. I don’t know the rules for that game but she said she was slow and careful so as not to wake me and she is looking forward to seeing mummy’s little soldier again.”

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