Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Tag Archives: milkshake

Justin Bieber’s Diary

justin bieberDear diary

I went round a friend’s house the other day and we watched a film called Die Hard. At first I thought it was going to be a film about the crucifixion of Jesus but it wasn’t and right near the start there was this bit where someone did a swear! I couldn’t believe it, I was so shocked. Then some more people did more swears and I had to turn it off because I was starting to get scareded. After that, me and my friend played draughts for a while. Draughts is like chess, but way less confusing. I managed to get one of my pieces across the other side and make it a king! It was so exciting, as I hardly ever manage that because I’m not very good at games with lots of moving pieces.

Later on we got a lift to McDonalds so that we could go and get a strawberry milkshake each. Mummy had Sellotaped the exact money up for me so paying for it was super easy. I love fast food places! So many nice people there, just hanging out and being friendly. All the workers are always rushing around and doing things and shouting things as well. It must be really exciting to work there and be able to shout “Big Mac” all day long whenever you want. They were also really helpful and asked if I wanted fries with it but I said I didn’t because I don’t actually know what ‘it’ is.

When we got back to my friend’s house we blew up some balloons. His dad helped us and one of them popped right in his face which was so funny although it did make me jump a bit at first. His dad can be really silly sometimes. Once he came out of the toilet and his flies were still open and some of his shirt was poking out. I remember once he let me try his slippers on and they were really big. They were quite comfy and I asked if I could have them and he said no.

I did have my own slippers but mummy got cross when I accidentally wore them in the bath.

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