Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Tag Archives: lion king

Justin Bieber’s Diary

Dear diaryjustin bieber

Today I woke up and saw my light was still on so I turned it off. Usually my mummy does it when I have gone to sleeps but she must have forgotten. I went downstairs to get some juice but my favourite Donald Duck cup was still in the dishwasher so I used the Goofy one instead. The Goofy one is brown and I usually save it for when I have chocolate Nesquik but mummy said it was too early for milkshake so I had juice instead. I like to pretend I am just like daddy so I put a spoon in the cup as if I am having coffee and when I finish I rub my tummy and say “Yum yum that was nice coffee,” even though it was really juice.

I wanted to listen to some music so I put on my favourite Lion King music CD and danced around pretending to be the circle of life. Timon and Pumbaa always make me laugh and I would really like to meet them one day so we could be friends and have lots of fun together. Sometimes I pretend my cat is Pumba and I am Timon, and this one time he did a really smelly farty smell that made me feel sick but later I found it funny because it was just the sort of thing that the real Pumba would do.

In the afternoon I had another go on my Rubik’s Cube toy and almost managed to match up some of the squares but I got bored of it after a while and put it back in my toy box. I have a Donald Duck puzzle that is just like my Donald Duck cup, but the cup was still in the dishwasher so I wasn’t able to finish the puzzle because I couldn’t look at the picture to see what it looks like when it is finished. I once made my own puzzle by drawing a picture on a bit of paper and asking mummy to cut it up into lots of small pieces but she shouted at me for drawing on her bank statement.

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