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Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
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04/01/2014Posted by on
Hi, fans! Long time no fist bump.
Now, I don’t know about any of you good folks out there but the first time I heard someone mention April Fools, I actually thought they were talking about a type of yoghurt. I loves myself a nice little pot of yoghurt, ‘specially if it’s apricot flavour, and if anyone fancies posting one out to me I’d be very grateful. If it’s got bits of appycot mixed in with it then I’ll be your friend for life, no word of a lie.
I decided to do a spot of research on this April Fools business but after wandering around in my bedroom cupboard for a couple of hours I realised it would be best if I asked my nephew about it instead; he might only be seven years old but he goes to school and seems to know just about everything these days.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that April Fools is just another name for playing pranks on your friends and co-workers, something that I’m quite fond of myself. It reminded me of that time when I put on me slippers one morning and could feel something sharp moving around under my foot. At first I thought someone had hidden a speck of grit inside them for a joke but it turned out that I had simply stepped on the cat without noticing. Poor little mite, his blood and guts were smeared all over the kitchen floor before I noticed him dangling there in between me toes.
My plan for April Fools today is to get meself an appycot yoghurt and fool everyone into thinking that it’s something else entirely! If I sit over on the other side room, or maybe even hide under the table, they won’t be able to see the label once I’ve turned out the lights. Then, after putting some in my mouth, I’ll say something like “Gosh darn, this cup of coffee is real nice and doesn’t taste anything like appycot. No, not even a little bit.”
I’ll have to put the spoon and the empty pot into my pocket afterwards just to keep the joke going, mind. That’s the one thing I forgot to do when I tried to pull the same prank last Christmas.