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Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Local pigeons have been causing “Mayhem and panic,” in a popular park in London this week. Professional busker Mark Lawrenson was “Just getting warmed up,” when a pigeon unexpectedly “landed on the ground.” Mark was upset because “This is a bloody good busking spot,” and “I had to wipe the mouth organ clean again because I dropped it on the grass during the panic.”
Observer Sue Wall said “He was just getting to the good bit in ‘How much is that doggy in the window?’ when that horrible pigeon flew down and tried to pick up a bit of bread. I was sending a text message to my daughter and I pressed the wrong key by accident; I hope she realises I meant tea-set and not tea-sex.”
Wild animals have often been the bane of Londoners lives over the years as pampered urbanites meet nature in a clash of wills. A squirrel caused a stir on Comic Relief Day when it approached a mime artist and “wildly flicked its tail,” before “scrabbling up a tree.”
Grieving pet owner Katie Wand told us of her experience with a feathered monster: “I saw what I thought was my dead cat’s spirit coming towards me in the form of a beautiful, white dove. I reached out and it landed next to me on the bench and then flew off again. I was distraught with grief and anger when someone told me it was just a bloody pigeon.”