- RT @TheTopoftheD: As the Women’s World Cup starts this week, I’ve written this for @TheHockeyPaper. I suspect it might not be as popular… 1 day ago
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Tag Archives: america
06/11/2013Posted by on
Yo peeps! Time for yet another serious post whereby I whore myself out and go all self-promotiony on you.
Right then. Just over a year ago, some of you may recall that I published a book called Shades of Grey. It was a collection of three short stories that was only available in smelly ebook form (Kindle, Nook, etc.) Well, I’m pleased to announce that it is finally available in PAPERBACK form! YES! Down with all this digital nonsense I say, and onwards with pulped trees and physically vulnerable mediums. Apart from WordPress, of course; blogging would be a right kerfuffle if was all done via papyrus scrolls. Papyrus shops are a bit thin on the ground here in Blighty.
Anyway, to celebrate this truly momentous occasion I’m giving away a whole five copies to anyone who fancies one. This giveaway is open to anyone, anywhere in the world… providing Amazon deliver to you, that is. This goes doubly so for people in America as they buy far FAR more of my books than any of my smelly fellow Brits do. In fact, my fellow Brits should count themselves lucky that I’m even allowing them to enter. You bloody Brits with your wonky NHS dentisted teeth, daft accents, and the obsession with driving fuel-efficient cars.
I tell you, if I ever get rich and famous from this writing lark, I’ll definitely go and live in the US for a while. I’ll be able to eat hot grits for breakfast and have melted cheese on everything without anyone batting an eyelid. I won’t be going anywhere near their chocolate though, that really is ghastly stuff.
So, all you have to do is leave an email address in a comment below and I’ll contact you for your real address if you’re a winner.
For those that don’t believe I actually went ahead with this, it’s listed here on Amazon UK and here on Amazon US. For those that still don’t believe me, here is a picture of the aforementioned paperbacks on my bed. And yes, I did gather them up and cuddle them afterwards.
PS – although it shares a similar name, Shades of Grey has nothing to do with that erotic grot written by EL James.
PPS – for those wanting to know, I’m hard at work on another book. I decided to dip back into historical fiction again, and it’s a story set in the Warsaw Ghetto during WWII.
John is not a very nice man. He works for the government. So who has tied him to a chair and what do they want?
James is a British soldier during WWII. Tom is a young boy with a terrible secret.
Three stories. Three very different people. All of them battling to survive.
10/06/2011Posted by on
President Obama lashed out at the recently introduced Danish tax on fatty foods, as “Akin to a declaration of war on 75% of the American population,” which is “pretty heavy, if you’ll excuse the pun.” Obama also said that he is holding meetings in the war office and is due to talk with lawyers at the UN. “We’ve got a lot on our plate right now, if you’ll excuse the pun.”
When asked about the possibility of launching attacks from UAV drones, the Pentagon stated that “No scone is being left unturned,” and “every military department wants their bit of the pie, if you’ll excuse the pun.”
Former Republican pin-up girl Sarah Palin said “The Tea Party says NO to all taxes, especially ones that make our BBQs more expensive,” and “Every dog has his day, if you’ll excuse the pun. No, wait, I got that wrong gosh darn it. These jelly babies are giving me such a sugar rush.”
Chris Christie, a tubby Republican who is campaigning to be the president of the state of Cadbury, was nonchalant about the new and joked “This is discrimination on a huge scale, but not as huge as me on the bathroom scales.” He then went on to say “Whatever happens America will win, because we’re the best at everything,” and with a twinkle in his eye added “Especially at bad buns. I mean puns.”
Chris then excused himself as he had to find his “Yoghurt mat. Sorry, I meant Yoga.”