Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Hulk Hogan reviews a chess piece

Hi there, guys!HulkHogan

The other day I was pooting around in the garden when I felt a sudden pain in my finger.  Thinking I’d caught a splinter I quickly fetched a pair of tweezers, only to discover that an entire pawn chess piece had somehow gotten itself lodged right under my nail!  How ’bout that for a strange occurrence, huh? I’ve no idea where it came from but seeing my favourite board game piece sure put a smile on my face.  Although the cute doggy from Monopoly is a funny little tyke and them tiddly winks from Tiddlywinks have a nice shade of colour to ’em, nothing beats the sheer round-headed honesty of a pawn.

‘Course, this leads me to wonder about the poor soul who, through no fault of his own, is now missing a vital component for one of mankind’s greatest games of strategy and wisdom; I just hope he don’t get too upset when he finds out. It kinda reminds me of that time last year when I bought a cheese sandwich – when I opened up the packet there was no sandwich inside, just cheese.

The great thing about pawns is how simple they are. They can take one step forward or one step to the side, nothing more, which is perfect for a chilled out go-slow kinda guy like myself. As anyone who’s fond of ice cream will know – and I love myself a bit of mint choc-chip – it’s no good tearing about the place like one of them sex-starved bishops or hopping around like them horsey pieces do, else you’re likely to spill it all over the place. That little diagonal move can come in ‘specially handy too, like when you need to jump out that way of a hungry dog or if someone isn’t watching where they’re goin’.

Well, I think that’s about it for now. If any of yous is missing a white pawn piece feel free to get in touch. Likewise, if anyone has stumbled upon a cheeseless sandwich then I’d love to hear from you.

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3 responses to “Hulk Hogan reviews a chess piece

  1. M T McGuire 06/17/2014 at 9:19 AM

    I’m really sorry. I found a cheeseless sandwich about a year ago. Posted an ad in the paper but no-one replied so I’m guessing you missed it. Had to throw it away after it grew so mouldy it became sentient and started plotting to overthrow humankind.

    Hope you enjoyed the cheese anyway, Hulk.

    Cheers

    MTM

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