- RT @davidwalliams: Matt & I in the first picture from our new comedy series ‘Little World’. https://t.co/gxPVfj2Y0n 1 week ago
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Trailer for Underneath
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Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Hai, is Beethoven of German classical musics here.
Other day I listen to radio when wonderful song come on that is full of energies and movements. It go like bip-bip, da-da, bip-bip, and had man sing “Pump up the volume, pump up the volume” all the way through. When song finish I wait see if radio DJ say who song was by, but he more interest in asking ladies to ring him to talk about what their favourite colour for underwear is. I throw shoe at radio in frustration, which fall over and scare family cat.
I was very excite to find out from daughter that nearby nightclub play bip-bip songs every Friday night. I ask if she take me clubbing and teach me how to dance but she laugh and say no. I tell her I plan to wear smart velvet jacket but she still say no. I explain that I can wear nice buckled shoes and freshly powdered wig, but she scream at me. I call her ungrateful Nazi bitch and she slam bedroom door in my face, so I decide go nightclub by myself.
I queue up outside nightclub and wait patient as big burly bouncer pat my bottom and check under collar for something. I think he looking for my Unfinished Symphony, so is good job I leave at home. Once inside I see lots of people jumping and moving like they have caught The Black Death but all seem to be having fun and enjoyment. I get talk with pretty girl and after buying her overpriced warm drink, she show me secret to dancing in nightclub. It go big fish, little fish, cardboard box, and after twisting my ankle a few time I get hang of it.
At 6am nightclub closes but I unable to find where I leave my smart velvet jacket. Bouncer tell me is home time so I call him ungrateful Nazi bastard. He grab me, throw me out, and slam door in my face.
Still, not all bad as I now have special green glowstick as secret souvenir. Maybe it make conducting orchestra more interesting, no?