- RT @davidwalliams: Matt & I in the first picture from our new comedy series ‘Little World’. https://t.co/gxPVfj2Y0n 1 week ago
Peeps who interviewed me
Trailer for Underneath
Trailer for Shades of Grey
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
FAO Gas companies: Inspire confidence in your services by sending free ‘bite size’ samples of your product through the post. People would be thrilled to receive a small canister that contained just enough gas to grill a slice of cheese on toast.
If you’re planning on throwing a surprise party for your dad on Father’s Day, be sure to check that the dozy old sod hasn’t made an impromptu visit to his own parents. I was stuck out on the porch for ages and the kissogram refused to give me a refund.
Geoff R, Cambs
An assortment of cheerleader pom-poms scattered around your garden are ideal for fooling people into believing that the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader team practice their dance routines in your garden.
FAO Phone companies: Inspire confidence in your services by making it practically impossible to locate a contact telephone number anywhere on your website.
Susan T, Paris
FAO dog owners: next time you scoop up some poop, don’t throw the bag away. Instead, use it as convenient stress ball for when the little bastard ignores your calls when it’s time to go home.
John G, Pets r Us
FAO sluts in the Grimbledon area: I recently split up with my girlfriend, so I’m looking for an easy ride just after payday. I’ll be in the Dog and Duck from 7pm on Saturday. The sheets will be clean and the fridge will have plenty of Toblerone if the ‘buy one, get one free’ offer is still running at the corner shop.
Graham J, Grimbledon Upon Sea