- RT @davidwalliams: Matt & I in the first picture from our new comedy series ‘Little World’. https://t.co/gxPVfj2Y0n 1 week ago
Peeps who interviewed me
Trailer for Underneath
Trailer for Shades of Grey
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Greetings, fine Western peoples of the Internet. For birthday last year I receive modem of 56k to access and surfs websites of glorious information. Since then, I have had much fun reading emails from comrades all over the globals. My most favourite email so far was one of Kylie Minogue doing dance in her underwear and stockings! It take me three days to download and I can only watch it when wife is in bed, but is worth every penny of large phone bill. Kylie has nice bottom and does good locomotions, yes? I think she could be ballet dancer one day, or maybe expensive stripper. I don’t know, choice be up to her.
Anyway, wife saw me browsing Internet other day and ask me to buy her nice gift. I say okay and decide to buy hair net. I love wife dearly, she make best boiled potatoes and pickled cabbage in all of Soviet. Hair net arrive today and now I open box. Hmmm, seems website sent me two instead of one. Must be because modem disconnect whilst I place order and ended up going through twice. Oh well, mean I have one to practice with before using properly. I take it out of box and AAARGH! It look like spider web! I not like spiders much, they always fall in mouth when I snores at night. I take quick shot of vodka to calm my nerves before continue.
Right, so what hair net for then? At first I thinking maybe for keeping spare hair, so can make wig when old and baldy but net have big holes that hair would fall out of. Maybe it for catching stray hairs blowing in wind, like butterfly net is. Thing is, hair net have no handle included in box so that mean have to make own one out of sticks. Only stick I have is for punishing children when they no go up blocked chimney to clear blockage. Perhaps it like fishing net, and I need to leave it out on pavement to trap passing hairs. I hope no-one steal it during night, as post and packing is expense on Internet.
Now I think about, wife have hairy under arms so maybe be good for that. Hopefully it stop spiders too.