Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Eco agony aunt Frigid Twiglet is here

eco flip flopsHey, gang!  With all the wind and the rain that’s been battering the fair shores of the UK recently, I’ve been wondering if Armageddon isn’t just around the corner.  It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if we woke up to find Gaia herself knocking on our doors in the morning.

Of course, being such a clever eco-bod means that I’ve been able to thrive in the face of such adversity.  Using the recycled remains of my neighbour’s blown-down fence, I built a nice little windmill at the bottom of my garden. I’ve also got several gallons of reclaimed rainwater stored in some Tupperware containers and provided I can find some readily-harvested wheat, I should be able to make half a loaf of bread by the end of the year.  In terms of making good use of this freakish weather, the sky is quite literally the limit.

Dear Frigid Twiglet
All my friends are having fun with their iPhones and Androids, yet I have to make do with papyrus scrolls and bits of chalk. Is there any way I can join in with this smartphone-based fun, whilst still maintaining my eco-friendly credentials?

There certainly is! Remember, eco-friendliness is as much a mental state of being as it is about saving the planet from the parasitic nature of mankind. Close your eyes and picture just what ‘Android’ is all about. It represents machinery, petrol, technology, and people who liked to dress up as Darth Vader whilst they burn car tyres down by the river.

Close your eyes again and think about ‘Apple’. Apple is, essentially, nature in a nutshell.  I tested this myself once by leaving an apple outside in the garden. As it slowly withered away, a bird flew down to peck at it. A few moments later, a lurking cat pounced on the bird and killed it. Then a dog came and chased the cat away. The very next day that same dog crapped in my garden, so I tied it up and left it to rot just like I did with the apple.

Nature is cruel, but man is a bitch.

11 responses to “Eco agony aunt Frigid Twiglet is here

  1. emaginette 04/21/2013 at 3:03 PM

    I hope you eventually let the dog go. I love dogs.

    It’s the owner of the dog you should have tied up with a pooper scooper in their hand until your yard was all cleaned up. hehehe

  2. A Gripping Life 04/21/2013 at 9:33 PM

    I hate to say it but it gives me some solace to know the UK is having crap weather like we are. 😉

  3. beckyday6 04/22/2013 at 2:18 PM

    Of course, it’s all about the state of mind. :L

    Lol’d at the Apple part. You know, I’m proud to say I don’t actually own any Apple stuff except an iTunes account I rarely use. It annoys me that people think they’re ohh so cool just because they use apple stuff.

    I am so fed up with the weather, It’s like it’s taunting us! One day there’s sun and the next it’s straight back to rain and grey skies for a week. Umph.

    • Michael Cargill 04/25/2013 at 7:25 PM

      I’ve got an iPhone 4S that I got last year, which was my first ever smartphone.

      It’s alright, does a job, but it was far too expensive and I don’t quite understand why so many people are in love them.

      I’ve been off ill for the past couple of days, so the weather had passed me by somewhat.

      • beckyday6 04/25/2013 at 7:36 PM

        Mmm I was thinking of getting one, but the one thing that puts me off is that it’s Apple, lol.

        Ohh no! I hope you feel better soon. 🙂 *Sends virtual soup via the interwebs* Tell your antibodies to get to it!

  4. Anna 04/22/2013 at 6:21 PM

    Wait, you tied up the dog, or you tied up the dog poop?
    Either way you make me sick. And lol all over mah floor.

  5. Addie 04/23/2013 at 9:54 PM

    Wickedly amusing!

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