Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Odds and Sudds

odds and sodds

Has anyone else noticed how hippos are like old people?  They’re constantly smiling, don’t seem to have many teeth, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they were prone to pissing themselves after getting lost in the supermarket.

Frazzle R, Bolton

I once put my microwave on for three hours, the highest setting I can put the timer to, just to see what would happen.  Five minutes before the end there was a power cut along my road, so I never found out.

John W, Lancs

A candle is the ideal ornament for fooling guests into thinking that you’ve got a pet rabbit, provided that it is brown, shaped like a rabbit, and surrounded by half-eaten carrot ends.

Bob L, Woolton

Alcoholics: Remember that you go to the bar for a drink, and the urinal when you need a piss, rather than the other way round.

Jack D, US

Last week whilst cutting my toenails, I suddenly thought of the song It’s the End of the World as We Know It by REM.  Five minutes later, next door’s cat was hit by a car.  Has anyone else suffered a near-miss premonition of Armageddon like that?

Frank, London

I recently learnt that DVD stands for Digital Versatile Disc.  That’s all well and good, but if you snap one in half you are left with sharp pieces of plastic lying around.  There’s a fine line between versatile and dangerous, and these guys crossed that line years ago.

Bob, Devon

Talking of near-misses, a bee flew right into my face whilst I was relaxing in the garden the other day.  Thank heavens I wasn’t a pilot trying to land a passenger-laden Boeing 767 airliner at the time.

Pilot, Airbus

12 responses to “Odds and Sudds

  1. A Gripping Life 04/06/2013 at 9:29 PM

    Silly, very, very silly! Thanks for this!

  2. thebookybunhead 04/07/2013 at 1:24 AM

    Hahahaha! These are fantastic!

  3. David Stringer 04/07/2013 at 11:53 AM

    Is anyone else now tempted to look into the microwave mystery?

  4. emaginette 04/07/2013 at 6:27 PM

    I enjoyed the giggles. 🙂

  5. Anna 04/08/2013 at 7:54 PM

    I laughed at the microwave, and contemplated very deeply the notion of a rabbit candle.

    I find myself approving.

  6. A Voracious Reader 04/09/2013 at 8:41 PM

    Funny, when my husband cuts his toenails and they go flying I’m always reminded of A Christmas Story. ‘You’ll shoot your eye out!’

  7. Lily 04/13/2013 at 1:20 AM

    How are you so creative? I never know if what you write is real or not. That, my friend, is a gift!

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