- RT @davidwalliams: Matt & I in the first picture from our new comedy series ‘Little World’. https://t.co/gxPVfj2Y0n 1 week ago
Peeps who interviewed me
Trailer for Underneath
Trailer for Shades of Grey
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Hello and good evening. Sorry about the mess, but I dropped a steroid needle in this here haystack of shoelaces that I’ve been trying to untangle. No doubt the last time you saw me was when I was roaring down the racetrack at the Olympics. They were good times but I am much more snazzy and sophisticated when I run these days – a bit less ‘roidy and a bit more tidy. It’s out with the lycra shorts and in with some nice Marks and Spencer cardigans.
My son will be starting secondary school soon and I want to know whether he should take his own lunch or have school dinners. What do you suggest?
A man should never let someone else handle his lunch, it’s uncouth. My lunchbox is practically part of me and I never let it out of my sight. If I have time in the morning, I will give it a good thrashing in the sink to shake off any crusty residue that has managed to build up during the night. Sometimes my wife will slip in a juicy bit of lettuce under the meat when I’m not looking, which always gives me a big shock when I put it in my mouth and take a big bite! Trust me, your son would never get that with school dinners. His lunchbox is worth its weight in gold.
My hands are very sensitive to the cold and I often get chilblains just from popping out to the shops for a loaf of bread. What do you suggest?
Your best bet is to find somewhere warm to put them. Personally, I tend to stick my hands down my trousers when they get cold. You would surprised at just how much warm flesh there is down there for your fingers to latch onto. My hands have a life of their own and seem to have no problems finding the warmest nooks and crannies to settle into. Sometimes they even manage to knit themselves a nest!