- RT @davidwalliams: Matt & I in the first picture from our new comedy series ‘Little World’. https://t.co/gxPVfj2Y0n 1 week ago
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Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Hi there, sisters. Just taking a break from spying on my husband (SOMH) and enjoying a slab of my favourite chocolate (FC). Last week I accidentally let my guard down and the bastard showed his true colours again. He came home late from work – no doubt because he’s having an affair with every slut in his office whilst I slave away looking after the house – and I made him cheese on toast for dinner. Although he thanked me and kissed me on the cheek, I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t actually grateful in the slightest. I was more than prepared to make him two slices of toast but there just wasn’t enough cheese left after I had cut the mould off. It also wouldn’t have hurt the bastard to buy me some flowers (IWHHBBSF) once in a while.
The other night my husband woke up went to the toilet and then came straight back to bed. He fell asleep again without embracing me and telling me how much he loved me. It has also been at least two months since he last bought me flowers. Am I being unreasonable in expecting that sort of thing every single day?
Mon Cherie, you’re not being unreasonable at all and your husband is clearly a complete and utter bastard. I dread to think how many affairs he is having behind your back and you should ask for a divorce immediately. Actually, no. Don’t ask – you damn well TELL him you’re getting divorced. He has brought all this on himself so there is no need for you to ask him for anything ever again.
The thought of him standing there naked in the middle of an orgy of whores and sluts, pounding and thrusting away for hours and hours, is too horrible to imagine so just don’t think about it. Cast any thoughts of him laughing, joking, and having sex with women other than yourself out of your mind. All those other women, they are sluts, bitches, and cows.
Honey, I am so sorry. You should have a nice bar of FC and think about chopping his dick off.