- RT @davidwalliams: Matt & I in the first picture from our new comedy series ‘Little World’. https://t.co/gxPVfj2Y0n 1 week ago
Peeps who interviewed me
Trailer for Underneath
Trailer for Shades of Grey
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Hi there. People often ask me if I’m crazy for collecting teddy bears but I really don’t think I am. I have 156 teddy bears at the moment yet at any one time there can be 50 trillion cells in the human body… and no-one considers a collection like that to be strange. I once arranged all my beary friends into a scene resembling the painting of The Last Supper. I had Berty, my favourite, as Jesus and all the other bears were listening to him talk. I did all the voices myself and made Judas Iscariot sound like a Dalek from Doctor Who. I got very upset at the betrayal bit and threw the Judas bear out of the window. I later regretted this as it was raining outside and he got wet.
In the summer I love having picnics and I once hosted one in the park that was fraught with danger. If the butter gets on their fur it can be a nightmare to wash the smell out and all the infernal children never leave me alone. Someone’s dog got over excited and chewed one of my favourites to pieces – it was hot so I had put a piece of ham on the bear’s head to keep him cool and, well, you can probably guess the rest. These days I tend to use a leaf of lettuce instead and put some slices of cucumber on top to weigh it down. So far, no dogs have tried to attack my bears since I adopted this measure.
If I go on a ride somewhere on my bicycle I will always take a rucksack and put at least two bears in it. When I stop for a break it means I can take them out and have someone to talk to as I get my energy back. Although I have a water bottle I keep it filled with honey rather than water – if there’s one thing that I’ve learnt over the years, it’s that honey can give you energy and strength. It’s true, I saw it in a Yogi Bear cartoon once and it reminded me of Popeye with his spinach, but Yogi is much better than Popeye.
If Yogi and Popeye were in a wrestling match I would be the commentator. I would do the voices myself and Popeye would have a voice like Chandler from Friends.