Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Justin Bieber’s Diary

Dear diaryjustin bieber

Today I woke up and saw my light was still on so I turned it off. Usually my mummy does it when I have gone to sleeps but she must have forgotten. I went downstairs to get some juice but my favourite Donald Duck cup was still in the dishwasher so I used the Goofy one instead. The Goofy one is brown and I usually save it for when I have chocolate Nesquik but mummy said it was too early for milkshake so I had juice instead. I like to pretend I am just like daddy so I put a spoon in the cup as if I am having coffee and when I finish I rub my tummy and say “Yum yum that was nice coffee,” even though it was really juice.

I wanted to listen to some music so I put on my favourite Lion King music CD and danced around pretending to be the circle of life. Timon and Pumbaa always make me laugh and I would really like to meet them one day so we could be friends and have lots of fun together. Sometimes I pretend my cat is Pumba and I am Timon, and this one time he did a really smelly farty smell that made me feel sick but later I found it funny because it was just the sort of thing that the real Pumba would do.

In the afternoon I had another go on my Rubik’s Cube toy and almost managed to match up some of the squares but I got bored of it after a while and put it back in my toy box. I have a Donald Duck puzzle that is just like my Donald Duck cup, but the cup was still in the dishwasher so I wasn’t able to finish the puzzle because I couldn’t look at the picture to see what it looks like when it is finished. I once made my own puzzle by drawing a picture on a bit of paper and asking mummy to cut it up into lots of small pieces but she shouted at me for drawing on her bank statement.

24 responses to “Justin Bieber’s Diary

  1. Emily 02/25/2012 at 11:23 AM

    Lol! I love these theyre hilarious

  2. kickingsport 02/25/2012 at 2:11 PM

    Ha! Now we know where the inspiration for all of his timeless songs comes from.

  3. older mum (in a muddle) 02/25/2012 at 2:51 PM

    Very funny! My dislike of the Beiber one almost equals my utter dislike of marmite – and thats saying summat!

  4. No Blog Intended 02/25/2012 at 3:37 PM

    You wouldn’t say he has my age…
    I mean, at least I can cut my own drawings into a puzzle… I’m so much more developped.

  5. El Guapo 02/25/2012 at 4:45 PM

    El Guapo believes this is not true because he is not sure Bieber knows how to read.

  6. Lily 02/25/2012 at 7:37 PM

    I like to picture you writing this whole thing out. Makes me smile. Little Biebs is such a wise guy. I like that he pretended to be the circle of life. Perfect.

  7. jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown 02/26/2012 at 4:20 AM

    I am so tickled picturing all of the Beiliebers, or whatever they’re called, searching his name nightly, then coming upon this diary entry.

    • Michael Cargill 02/26/2012 at 4:36 PM

      Ha, that would great!

      I get quite a few site visits from people searching for things like “Justin Bieber penis”. I wonder if any of them are from his parents.

  8. Addie 02/26/2012 at 5:56 PM

    I can’t shake the idea this really is his way of thinking. Poor wealthy dear.

  9. mooselicker 02/26/2012 at 8:03 PM

    This is one of those things where I laugh at every line and can’t stop laughing. Good job sir!

  10. Sasha 03/01/2012 at 1:57 AM

    Hahahaha. I love this. I feel like I know Justin Bieber now…

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