Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Justin Bieber’s Diary

Dear diaryjustin bieber

Today I woke up and saw my light was still on so I turned it off. Usually my mummy does it when I have gone to sleeps but she must have forgotten. I went downstairs to get some juice but my favourite Donald Duck cup was still in the dishwasher so I used the Goofy one instead. The Goofy one is brown and I usually save it for when I have chocolate Nesquik but mummy said it was too early for milkshake so I had juice instead. I like to pretend I am just like daddy so I put a spoon in the cup as if I am having coffee and when I finish I rub my tummy and say “Yum yum that was nice coffee,” even though it was really juice.

I wanted to listen to some music so I put on my favourite Lion King music CD and danced around pretending to be the circle of life. Timon and Pumbaa always make me laugh and I would really like to meet them one day so we could be friends and have lots of fun together. Sometimes I pretend my cat is Pumba and I am Timon, and this one time he did a really smelly farty smell that made me feel sick but later I found it funny because it was just the sort of thing that the real Pumba would do.

In the afternoon I had another go on my Rubik’s Cube toy and almost managed to match up some of the squares but I got bored of it after a while and put it back in my toy box. I have a Donald Duck puzzle that is just like my Donald Duck cup, but the cup was still in the dishwasher so I wasn’t able to finish the puzzle because I couldn’t look at the picture to see what it looks like when it is finished. I once made my own puzzle by drawing a picture on a bit of paper and asking mummy to cut it up into lots of small pieces but she shouted at me for drawing on her bank statement.

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24 responses to “Justin Bieber’s Diary

  1. Emily 02/25/2012 at 11:23 AM

    Lol! I love these theyre hilarious

  2. kickingsport 02/25/2012 at 2:11 PM

    Ha! Now we know where the inspiration for all of his timeless songs comes from.

  3. older mum (in a muddle) 02/25/2012 at 2:51 PM

    Very funny! My dislike of the Beiber one almost equals my utter dislike of marmite – and thats saying summat!

  4. No Blog Intended 02/25/2012 at 3:37 PM

    You wouldn’t say he has my age…
    I mean, at least I can cut my own drawings into a puzzle… I’m so much more developped.

  5. El Guapo 02/25/2012 at 4:45 PM

    El Guapo believes this is not true because he is not sure Bieber knows how to read.

  6. Lily 02/25/2012 at 7:37 PM

    I like to picture you writing this whole thing out. Makes me smile. Little Biebs is such a wise guy. I like that he pretended to be the circle of life. Perfect.

  7. jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown 02/26/2012 at 4:20 AM

    I am so tickled picturing all of the Beiliebers, or whatever they’re called, searching his name nightly, then coming upon this diary entry.

    • Michael Cargill 02/26/2012 at 4:36 PM

      Ha, that would great!

      I get quite a few site visits from people searching for things like “Justin Bieber penis”. I wonder if any of them are from his parents.

  8. Addie 02/26/2012 at 5:56 PM

    I can’t shake the idea this really is his way of thinking. Poor wealthy dear.

  9. mooselicker 02/26/2012 at 8:03 PM

    This is one of those things where I laugh at every line and can’t stop laughing. Good job sir!

  10. Sasha 03/01/2012 at 1:57 AM

    Hahahaha. I love this. I feel like I know Justin Bieber now…

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