- RT @EasterWatch: WE MUST BOYCOTT THESE SMARTIES EGGS FROM 1976 BECAUSE THEY DON'T SAY EASTER ON THE FRONT IN CASE THEY OFFEND MUSLIMS 40 YE… 5 days ago
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Power walking champ gets stuck in wardrobe
02/23/2012Posted by on
Three times world champion power walker John Davidson has somehow managed to get himself stuck inside his own bedroom wardrobe. The details surrounding the event are unclear but the 44-year old was last seen at his mother’s dinner table on Friday night after enjoying a slap-up meal consisting of Findus Crispy Pancakes, broccoli, and a gravy of undisclosed flavour. His mother, who was present during the entire meal, said “He finished his dinner as normal and then went upstairs. I had given him one of my pancakes as I wasn’t really hungry. They were the chicken and bacon ones, which are his favourite, and I was still a bit full from the corned beef roll I had for lunch. It made sense to let him have it rather than let good food go to waste.”
The alarm was first raised when his mother realised that he hadn’t come back downstairs after half an hour. “It was raspberry trifle for pudding and there is no way he would normally stay away for that long. I went upstairs to see if was alright when I heard a banging noise coming from his bedroom. It was then that I realised he was stuck inside his wardrobe. He must have taken a wrong turning by accident and I could hear him trying to walk around inside and he sounded delirious.”
After an hour or so everything went silent inside the wardrobe and John’s worried mother called the fire brigade. Firefighter chief Andrew Barlow said “I can confirm that we received an emergency call out regarding a 44-year old male who had become trapped inside a bedroom wardrobe. We suspect that his condition is deteriorating due to the strong fumes from the mothballs and we’re are still awaiting a response from IKEA so we can determine their potency.”
The firefighters thought they had made a breakthrough when they managed to unscrew a mirror on the front of the wardrobe, but hopes were dashed when they realised that behind it lay another impenetrable wooden panel.
“He’s been in there for three days now and he still hasn’t had his trifle yet; I’m worried sick, I hate to see homemade food go to waste.”