Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Queen Elizabeth II reviews Bambi

This feature-length film was first brought to one’s The Queenattention by way of a written message sometime in 1963 and one is sad to report that one has not had the time to view it until now. For those that are unaware, Bambi is the work of the man who built those Disney theme parks and who also placed numerous Bambi-branded Thermos flasks on the shelves of corner shops and discount wholesalers all across the globe. It is my understanding that Disney also invented Mickey Mouse and one cannot help but notice that Bambi and Mickey Mouse have something in common: they are both animals. Not being one to believe in coincidences, one has to wonder what to make of this fact and is something for one to ponder at length.

In the film there is a ghastly little rabbit called Thumper. One quickly realises that he is not a character to be taken literally as he is clearly an allegory for a particularly naughty corgi dog that one once owned. On many an occasion, my servant would feed some gin to this dog which would case it to run around like a crazy ferret. Although one found this jolly amusing the first few times it quickly became tiresome and I instructed the servant to remove him from the premises immediately. One can only imagine that Thumper would make horrendous company if one were to ever share a horse-drawn carriage or chariot with him. When the film had finished it was pointed out to me that Thumper is an animal, just like Bambi and Mickey Mouse are; one has to consider what was going on in the head of Disney at this time.

There was a bit in the film where Bambi’s father turns around and leaves him on his lonesome. One was immediately struck by the similarity of the time I was in France and some French berk of a waiter ignored me when I asked for another plate of olives. Clearly, Disney is familiar with the peculiar French arrogance and one has to admire his attempt at immortalising and satirising it on the big screen. Whilst on the subject of France, one feels it is pertinent to point out that Nicholas Sarkozy has a wonky face. When one is in his company, it is most unsettling as one is constantly under the impression that he is about to sneeze. He once tried to make a joke about whether one had ever considered wearing one’s crown backwards.

I made it quite clear that one was not amused.

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31 responses to “Queen Elizabeth II reviews Bambi

  1. Raine 02/05/2012 at 11:26 AM

    You’ve done it again. What a lovely post. I never knew the queen was so clever.

  2. Little Miss 02/05/2012 at 11:36 AM

    Pure brilliance. Now it is at light that bambi is based on The Queens life? I feel she should have some commission from the film

  3. kickingsport 02/05/2012 at 12:33 PM

    Nice review your majesty! Once all this jubilee nonsense is over this year, you could consider becoming a critic? Sure most would prefer you to Mark Kermode.

  4. April Trice 02/05/2012 at 1:02 PM

    The Queen needs an enema.

  5. AgrippingLife 02/05/2012 at 1:17 PM

    Are we sure the servant didn’t feed the queen the Gin? One has to wonder if her crown is too tight?

  6. Addie 02/05/2012 at 7:12 PM

    I presumed she’d find a parallel between Bambi’s father leaving and Prince Phillip ignoring his children. The Thumper line? Brilliant.

  7. Lily 02/05/2012 at 7:17 PM

    Who knew that the queen was such a great film critic! Is there anything she CAN’T do?!?!?!

  8. Anna 02/05/2012 at 8:50 PM

    Having a go at the Royal Family, are ya?

    *Rolls up sleeves*

    One can only say ‘Well done, Sir’ and laugh hysterically. Now piss off, I need to clean this toilet.

  9. motherventing 02/05/2012 at 8:58 PM

    Can she present Film 2012? Instead of that Winkle woman?

  10. The Hook 02/06/2012 at 1:20 AM

    Hilarious and wildly original!

  11. Bindu John 02/06/2012 at 4:22 PM

    Interesting review. Great realizations. Must have been a vicarious experience to the one.

  12. mooselicker 02/06/2012 at 9:34 PM

    I don’t know what the Queen’s voice sounds like but for some reason I could hear it reading this. Your characters are getting really good an indepth. Keep up the great work!

  13. J.R.Barker 04/21/2015 at 11:19 AM

    Well one certainly puts an interesting perspective on things; you have given me much to ponder insightful one.

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