Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Justin Bieber’s Diary

justin bieberDear diary

I went round a friend’s house the other day and we watched a film called Die Hard. At first I thought it was going to be a film about the crucifixion of Jesus but it wasn’t and right near the start there was this bit where someone did a swear! I couldn’t believe it, I was so shocked. Then some more people did more swears and I had to turn it off because I was starting to get scareded. After that, me and my friend played draughts for a while. Draughts is like chess, but way less confusing. I managed to get one of my pieces across the other side and make it a king! It was so exciting, as I hardly ever manage that because I’m not very good at games with lots of moving pieces.

Later on we got a lift to McDonalds so that we could go and get a strawberry milkshake each. Mummy had Sellotaped the exact money up for me so paying for it was super easy. I love fast food places! So many nice people there, just hanging out and being friendly. All the workers are always rushing around and doing things and shouting things as well. It must be really exciting to work there and be able to shout “Big Mac” all day long whenever you want. They were also really helpful and asked if I wanted fries with it but I said I didn’t because I don’t actually know what ‘it’ is.

When we got back to my friend’s house we blew up some balloons. His dad helped us and one of them popped right in his face which was so funny although it did make me jump a bit at first. His dad can be really silly sometimes. Once he came out of the toilet and his flies were still open and some of his shirt was poking out. I remember once he let me try his slippers on and they were really big. They were quite comfy and I asked if I could have them and he said no.

I did have my own slippers but mummy got cross when I accidentally wore them in the bath.

25 responses to “Justin Bieber’s Diary

  1. Raine 01/26/2012 at 11:29 AM

    His mommy must get with him a lot for being such a dumbass. Whoops, I did a swear…

  2. A Gripping Life 01/26/2012 at 1:17 PM

    Lol! Somehow, I don’t think this is too far off the mark?
    “Yes, Justin, McDonald’s is a very exciting place to work, with lots of nice people hanging out and being friendly. But whilst you make $400,000.00 for doing a 2 hour concert they make $62.00 for working the night shift. Not so exciting anymore, is it?”

  3. Love All Blogs 01/26/2012 at 2:22 PM

    heh heh heh

    that is all.

  4. No Blog Intended 01/26/2012 at 4:40 PM

    And I was thinking today’s youth is rude? More the opposite- even worse.

  5. Anna 01/26/2012 at 5:55 PM

    Mr. Cargill, why you haven’t been crowned the most hilarious person on the internet yet is beyond me. We’re going to have to make this happen! We need some cheap champagne and a crown. Hmm… suprise robbery of the Queen’s bed chamber perhaps? Might steal some tuppawear for my new house while I’m at it.

    • Michael Cargill 01/26/2012 at 9:25 PM

      Well, what can I say? I do my best yet no-one other than my faithful, adorable followers know about me. There is just no justice in this world.

      I did have some Tupperware you could have had but I lost it. Soz.

  6. mooselicker 01/26/2012 at 10:14 PM

    I forgot about this bit you do. Bring it back more. It’s a great one.

  7. Pete Howorth 01/26/2012 at 10:42 PM

    This deserves a Roflcopter.

  8. Lily 01/27/2012 at 4:34 PM

    Oh Biebs. So young and innocent. Does he or does he not look like a lesbian? Curse of the baby face.
    McDonald’s strawb milkshakes are delish though. I’m siding with the Biebs on that one.

  9. Sasha 01/27/2012 at 7:14 PM

    Hahaha. Can you start writing a series called “Justin Bieber’s Diary: What I did today.” ? Please??

  10. Lafemmeroar 01/27/2012 at 7:24 PM

    LMAO This goes to show that stardom doesn’t require much of an I.Q.

  11. amber 02/02/2013 at 10:57 PM

    bahahaha I was laughing my face off! you’re great 🙂

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