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Michael Cargill
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Fooling people is easy
Posted by on 01/14/2012
Geoff Broccoli here and I am going to let you in on a little secret: fooling people is very easy and is the key to getting what y
ou want. I first realised this when I came back from lunch rubbing my stomach and said “Mmmm, what a lovely apple.” People then started asking me what type of apple I had eaten yet here is the kicker: I hadn’t actually eaten any apples at all. I had fooled every single person with that little lie and it served as my wake up call. Eager to capitalise on my success, the next day I announced “Oooh, the price of Mars Bars these days is shocking,” to which everyone around me agreed. It had been a good three years since I’d last attempted to purchase a Mars Bar.
It wasn’t long until the whole town was under my spell and deeply woven among my web of lies. I told a bus driver I had been waiting for thirty minutes when I had in fact only just arrived at the bus stop; I received a free sachet of tartare sauce in a cafe despite that fact I hadn’t ordered any fish; I told the serving girl in the coffee shop that I wanted a receipt for my skinny latte and chocolate caramel slice so I could claim it on my corporate expenses account… and when I got outside I threw the slice away. I am diabetic and cannot eat sugary snacks. I was also unemployed at the time and so couldn’t claim it on expenses.
The gullibility of mankind is breath-taking in its naivety and this has even spread to the machines that we build for ourselves. Even the GPS in my car can be fooled by telling it I am going somewhere that I am not, although this particular piece of devilry resulted in me crashing into a wall so I haven’t bothered experimenting any further with it.
I went into the ladies changing room at my local gym and pretended to be a peeping tom taking photos of the women in the shower. The camera on my phone was broken so the police could only charge me with voyeurism rather than trespassing with intent; that’s six weeks in jail rather than eight months and I even qualified for legal aid – win-win all round.
I’ve even managed to fool you as my name isn’t Geoff.
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lol! Welcome to America, I think we lie more than any other country. So our rules and laws are much stricter. Everyone is suspect. Plus people have installed cameras everywhere. Only the criminal genius can get away with that stuff. Geoff should stay in England where he can continue his life of petty crime.
Hmmm, maybe Chavez wasn’t lying when he said that the US had given him cancer…
You can start doubting everything. People lie all the time. It’s actually very interesting how we try to influence people by changing the truth.
Maybe bloggers lie even more than other people because they need to seem interesting…
Yup, it’s very easy to put up a facade of some kind on the Internet.
No Blog Intended.
I think about that all the time. I’m so trusting but I believe you’re right. I’m sure the blog world provides an opportunity for people to try on another persona especially when they don’t like who they really are?
I would be exhausted if I lived any part of a lie. It would take too much energy.
“I told the girl in the coffee shop that I wanted a receipt for my medium latte and chocolate caramel slice so I could claim it on my corporate expenses account. When I got outside I threw the slice away. I am diabetic and cannot eat sugary snacks. I was also unemployed at the time and so couldn’t claim it on expenses.” – NotGeoff
This is my new favorite character
The reaction I get from some of my posts surprises me sometimes. I thought this was a relatively weak one and didn’t have any plans to make a character out of Geoff here.
I guess I shall have to consider this…!
Ahahahahahahahaha! Mate, this made me literally laugh out loud all the way through. I’m with Sir Moose, definitely a new favourite!
Glad you liked it Mr Howorth. I am surprised at Geoff’s popularity but he may well make another appearance…
Haha this is Brilliant. True message, we are all too trusting.
Yes, I remember you blogging about that actually!
In my back garden I have this new monument called the Eiffel Tower. Some French bloke built it – fancy popping round for a look…?
ah the truth!!!
Welcome to my blog Konica! Hope you enjoy things here.
Found you through f365 and by-christ you’re funny. Seriously “lol’d” at the locker room bit. What a great post. Keep it up.
Yes, Stephen, he is. And, I’m not lying when I say that.
I will certainly try! Glad to see that at least one person from F365 liked this blog.
I presume Geoff will be entering politics soon? Like Lisa, I don’t lie–not even to say, “Why yes, that poncho is a good purchase!”. Especially not then. Living in LieTown is exhausting–plus, my memory is so shit, I’d forget what I had said and have to go look it up in the copious notes I’d have to keep in a notebook I’d misplace with my reading glasses so, really, why bother? Unless I was trying to get a tartar sauce packet, as I like the taste of tartar sauce.
Geoff now has a criminal record so is more than suited to a life in politics.
I know what you mean about telling too many porky pies. I am not very good at keeping them going so don’t really bother with fibs all that much.
Lying without people ever noticing it must be a sort of art.
I’d rather stick with shadiness: ‘of course I didn’t mean it like that!’. The art of making people believe they got you wrong.
I like Geoff. He really thinks he’s pulling the wool over people’s eyes. Liars, like my mom said, must have an exhausting life. Having to keep up with everything they’ve ever lied about seems stressful.
I would love to work with a compulsive liar. Having them come in each Monday and inventing utterly outrageous things that they did over the weekend.
Pefect example of being so focused on the small that you miss the big – Geoff reminds me a lot of myself – excpet it is myself I lie to 🙂
Welcome to my blog Ready! Hope you enjoy it.
I know what you mean actually, it’s a terrible thing when you fool yourself about completely pointless things.
I was also unemployed at the time and so couldn’t claim it on expenses.
Nicely woven subplot with humor – nice combo.
A few weeks ago I turned down some Christmas chocolate from one of my new work colleagues, saying that I was Diabetic.
Then I went home and ate some cake. Fooling people into thinking you are actually a much better Diabetic than you really are? MEGA-WIN.
My dear Anna, you have clearly mastered the art of winning at telling fibs. How do you do it?
Is it the Leicesterfarian diet?
Maybe it would just take too much energy to question what people tell us/what happens to us all the time? It’s easier to believe, and it feels better to not know something that may make you feel fooled. After all, what does the cashier at the coffee shop care that you lied? She’s just at work and work is work.
I, for one, would be heartbroken if someone bought a cake from me and then threw it away.
What if some money had been hidden inside it? Would be wasted.
Great post, Geoff! ;P
Addie! Hello!
Geoff tells me he likes apples by the way but I don’t know if he is telling me the truth or not.
This made me giggle. Thank you for that! Also, this is the first post of yours I’ve read, so you’re at 100% funny right now. How cool is that!
Shelbi, welcome to my humble place of silliness.
I00% funny? That is the coolest thing I have ever heard.
You are insane Mr Cargill. Wonderfully so. Which, ironically, on occasion keeps me sane. No other blog makes me giggle quite so hard x
Thank you very much. I think.
Putting weird stuff up on here has meant I don’t send out stupid emails at work, so I don’t get into trouble as much.
Win-win.
Telling lies is an art that needs a lot of practice and observation. Not easy for all. Really amusing – glad that I found it. Your style is unique.
Thank you very much, glad you enjoyed it!