Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Kim Jong-il dies after heroic golfing hole-in-one escapade
12/20/2011Posted by on
North Korean dictator, leader, cuddly bear, and inspirational Jesus-type Kim Jong-il passed away after scoring yet another hole-in-one on a golf course. A North Korean spokesman was in tears and mourning as he confirmed that “It was just too much for him in the end, he’d only just got back from wrestling with a giant badger.” When asked to confirm which golf course the fatal moment occurred on he said “All of them, he was a natural.”
The secretive nation is due to release a commemorative fact book about their beloved leader sometime in the near future. New details about Kim have already leaked out, including the previously unknown point that he is “A 2089-year old immortal crafted from the finest North Korean corrugated iron.” Construction began on him over 5000 years ago when “The mighty North Korean space agency first went to the moon and discovered it was made of North Korean corrugated iron.”
The Guinness Book of Records is set to confirm that Kim Jong currently holds the world record for “The largest number of unconfirmed world records in the world,” and that it was “Only last week that he supposedly spent three hours blowing out all the candles on his birthday cake.”
Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, is where the state funeral is due to be held. The design and construction of the special wooden coffin has been kept under close wraps, but the work is known to have been given to the North Korean Corrugated Iron Corporation as they are “A highly skilled company that can do anything, anytime.”
“The story of Frankenstein? That’s based on Kim’s life.”