Ghadaffi’s son surrenders after running out of Coco Pops

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Colonel Gaddafi’s son, Saif al-Islam, has surrendered peacefully in Libya after “Getting fed up with surviving on that Muesli shit,” and because “I really miss the awesome bacon and egg sandwiches that Dad used to make me each morning.” Saif, who had been hiding a cave, said that being outdoors “Was good fun at first,” but after a while “I started to feel like Stig of the Dump,” especially when “My deodorant started to run out.”

Recent media reports stated that Saif was captured, but he said “That’s a load of old bobbins,” as the rebels are “Nothing more than a bunch of cowboys.” More than once, he would be “Hiding under a blanket like those hobbits did in Lord of the Rings,” when some rebel soldiers would “Walk right past me, usually talking about Kim Kardashian,” and Saif would “Just lie there happily munching on a Twix until they went away.”

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Saif had access to a large stockpile of goodies, but “I’ve always had a bit of a sweet tooth,” which meant that “None of the fun stuff lasted as long as it should have.” Each week he looked forward to opening a new box of cereal, but “The free toys aren’t as good as they were in the 1980s. It used to be Star Wars and GI Joe stuff, but now it’s all Jelly Tots and Toy Story,” and he was disappointed to see that “The chocolate wagon wheels are smaller than I remember.”

Saif also admitted that one of the reasons he handed himself in was that “It gets really dusty out there,” and compared the desert climate to “Living on the bloody moon.” He tried to keep himself entertained but “My iPhone screen reflects the sun too much,” so he “really struggled with those later Angry Birds levels.” He also heard a rumour that “Apple’s batteries might explode in the heat.”

“My Ugg Boots are in tatters as well.”