Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Boris Johnson hails the toast sandwich revolution

Eattoast sandwich

Boris Johnson, lifelong wispy-haired buffoon and current mayor of London, has revealed that he “Really bloody likes a nice toast sandwich,” as they are “So cheap and easy to make,” that “even an Australian could do it.” Johnson revealed that years ago he would “Regularly have a cheese and pickle sandwich,” but he always struggled when it came to “cutting the cheese properly.” Spreading the pickle was no easier as “I always got it all over my hands for some reason,” and inevitably the “whole damn lot would fall apart the moment I tried to pick it up.”

After recently reading about the toast sandwich recipe by Isabella Beeton, he “Immediately popped to the kitchen to try it out.” Once he learned that Isabella had been dead for 150 years, he enquired “I suppose that means meeting her is out of the question then?”


Boris says that his time in Eton, a posh boarding school for wankers, was “Well spent,” as “I really got to know my way around the kitchen.” This knowledge was borne out as he “Rapidly perfected the recipe,” after burning his way through “A mere four loaves of bread as part of the learning process.”

Boris is equally excited to try other simple recipes by Isabella as “A carrot on a stick has a wonderful sound to it, it’s earthy, it’s warm, and it’s what me and my pals liked to shove up each other’s rectums at Eton after lights out.” He later advised that “It would go really well with a goblet of water actually.”

“If I can get some cheese and pickle going with this sandwich it would be great.”


3 responses to “Boris Johnson hails the toast sandwich revolution

  1. kickingsport 11/18/2011 at 5:20 PM

    Boris and his Tory buddies have had to learn everything the hard way. So comforting to know a bunch of them is running our country right now during one of the worst economic situations in history, what?

  2. B.B.Darlington 11/22/2011 at 4:43 AM

    Your pollys make ours look great 🙂

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