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Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Justin Bieber’s Diary
11/14/2011Posted by on
Mummy woke me up this morning and said that as it had now been two weeks since I last wet the bed, I could have an extra boiled egg for breakfast as a treat. I asked if I could butter and cut the soldiers myself and she said yes. I got up and found my ‘Three Blind Mice’ music tape and left it playing in my tape player whilst I had a bath. I had to call mummy to help me wash my hair because I have to use both hands to hold a flannel to my face so that the shampoo doesn’t makes my eyes sting.
I usually have my Coco Pops in a Winnie the Pooh bowl but it was still in the dishwasher so I used one of the grown up bowls that Daddy uses instead. The grown up spoons are still too big for me so I used one of my plastic crocodile ones instead. When I had finished I looked down at my bib and saw that I had managed to eat the whole bowl without spilling anything.
Later on during the day I went upstairs to my bedroom and looked at my naughty notebook. Sometimes, when I am angry and upset, I will open this notebook and write down the naughty words that I wouldn’t dare say out loud over and over again. Two days ago Mummy wouldn’t let me go out and play in the garden because it was getting dark. I had left my afternoon banana out there by accident but Mummy said it was too dangerous to go out there now as a fox might be sniffing around. I screamed really loudly and went upstairs and wrote ‘poo’ in my naughty notebook.
When I am angry I press down really hard with my crayons but after half a page I will calm down and sharpen it again so it still looks nice on my bookshelf.