Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Lady Gaga disappointed not to win best male award for MTV Europe


Cross-dressing supremo Lady Gaga last night spoke of her dismay at “Not even being considered,” for a “whole plethora of male awards,” despite spending all year “wearing a bikini and swinging my bits in front of the cameras.”

The star, a former postman from Sussex, first hit the big time after being discovered singing and dancing whilst trying to force a novelty Michael Jackson alarm clock through someone’s door. Former colleagues said that “He was always bopping about the place,” and once even “Wore a costume made entirely out of old rubber bands,” which made everyone feel ill as “You could see everything through the gaps.”


After picking up the Best Female Singer award she described it as being similar to “Winning gold for the BMX at the Olympics; no-one respects it.” She left the award venue early on in the evening so that she could “Work out some frustration down the gym on the squat rack.” She popped back in later to ask if “Anyone had a spare protein shake I could borrow.”

Gaga used the awards as an opportunity to promote Movember and to talk about her participation in it. Although she has got “Not much more than a bit of fluff,” at the moment, she expects to have a “Whole load of facial furniture within a few weeks.”


10 responses to “Lady Gaga disappointed not to win best male award for MTV Europe

  1. motherventing 11/07/2011 at 10:25 AM

    I heard she was made out of leftover pork scratchings. Apparently, if you stand downwind of her, you smell bacon. That is all.

  2. Random Female Blog 11/07/2011 at 4:24 PM

    Are you dealing with the music industry here?

  3. mooselicker 11/07/2011 at 8:21 PM

    You always know someone isn’t quite sure what they are when they have to put “Lady”, “Boy” or “Dude” with their name.

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