- RT @EasterWatch: WE MUST BOYCOTT THESE SMARTIES EGGS FROM 1976 BECAUSE THEY DON'T SAY EASTER ON THE FRONT IN CASE THEY OFFEND MUSLIMS 40 YE… 2 days ago
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Beauty Baggins talks Zodiac
11/06/2011Posted by on
What’s all this Movember nonsense then, eh? Charity? Everyone who takes part ends up looking like a pervert or a tramp. I hope there aren’t any teachers taking part in it or they might end up getting arrested, beaten up, or promoted to head master.
Pisces, Taurus, Gemini
Net curtains make an ideal fishnet substitute so if you live near the coast you can try and catch a dolphin. Dolphins are supposed to really intelligent so you could probably get a clever idea from them and then try to patent it. If you don’t live near the coast you could try making a parachute or something else instead.
Cancer, Leo, Scorpio
Everyone likes BBQs so you should have a BBQ. Invite some friends, have a few beers, and hope no-one dies of food poisoning. You will be the talk of the town with your generosity and may even get a mention in the local paper. However, if it rains everyone will hate you so plan things carefully.
Capricorn, Aquarius, Libra
Do you suffer from having chronic itchiness inside your ears? Cotton wool buds not reaching far enough? Then get a packet of frankfurters and use a butter knife to whittle yourself a handy inner-ear itcher. If a bit breaks off don’t panic as sausages decompose relatively quickly.
Virgo, Sagittarius, Aries
Yoghurt. Such an inane type of food especially plain yoghurt. What’s the point? Just have some milk or a bag of jelly babies instead. I recommend changing your diet and some buying liquorice – it will make mealtimes more interesting and also doubles up as an environmentally friendly alternative to after-dinner mints.