Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

I am Silvio Berlusconi, boss of Italy and major pervert

berlusconiHey ho, Anglo Saxy peeps. My name is Silvio Berlusconi and as real-life bona fide pervert I consider myself lucky to be an Italian. Not only do Italian ladies have very sexy faces but the police are corrupt and useless bastards, which mean I can do whatever. My favourite trick is to dress up as a park keeper and do a shuffle-walk around the park until I find a lonely lady on her lonesome. I will then say “Hello lonely lady, how are you?” and engage in short conversation whilst moving around so I can see down her top or in between the buttons of her blouse. I have experienced many fine examples of cleavage and side-boob due to my expertise in this area.

Usually I admire German people and race but their leader, Angela Merkel, looks like pig-dog. I would guess that her lady parts are very hairy and messy, which mean I get sick when flirting at EU meetings. EU meetings get very boring if I am sitting next to French boss Nicholas Sarkozy. I believe he is gay and that his strange face scares away all the children. His wife is jolly sexy though and when I make jokes with her she laughs like princess. I once called her a princess and she smiled at me. I then put my hand on her leg and she gave me look of death. I sent her flowers to say sorry she then send me text message saying to pisses off. I looked up French word ‘piscine’ in dictionary and it says is meaning swimming so I have bought lovely bathing suits for me and hers to go swimmings with some day.

I am off to England soon to says hello to posh twat Dave Cameron. There are some mighty fine ladies in Parliament Houses and I often stay hidden on balcony with binoculars to get good looks at fine ladies. I will carry tissue with me so that I can unzip my trouser and do what I call ‘cheesing the pizza’ if I see fine ladies in fine underwear. Many years ago I see Margaret Thatcher in underwear and I had to run to toilet to be sick.

I see now why she is called iron lady her lady parts look like steel wool.

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14 responses to “I am Silvio Berlusconi, boss of Italy and major pervert

    • Michael Cargill 10/27/2011 at 11:32 AM

      Glad you liked it! I have always wanted to know how Silvio is viewed in Italy – does he get much negative attention in the press? He owns most of it…

      • motherventing 10/27/2011 at 3:30 PM

        I lived in Italy for a year. Our Italian tutor hated SB and treated us to vitriolic rants in some ‘colourful’ Italian. And she had to spit when mentioning his name, it was awesome. But then I started work for a hugely wealthy family. One day one of the kids I was teaching said that Mama was meeting with Uncle Silvio today. Oh yes? I said, and wasn’t till later when I saw him in the house (from a distance, thank feck) that I realised he meant SB.

        That’s my Berlusconi story. He really is a creepy little fecker.

        • Michael Cargill 10/27/2011 at 4:05 PM

          That is a fantastic anecdote. I would seriously consider nominating you for the ‘versatile blogger’ award if I actually knew what it meant and could be bothered with all the paperwork.

          • motherventing 10/27/2011 at 8:20 PM

            That’s OK, I’ll take that initial thought and run with it. Do I get a badge or is that just me being grasping and needy?

            • Michael Cargill 10/27/2011 at 8:36 PM

              No badge I am afraid. I honestly don’t understand what that ‘versatile blogger award’ is though.

              I keep stumbling upon people basically saying “Hi, your blog has only been around for 5 days and it currently consists of two articles saying “test post” and a lolcats picture from 2008. However you added me on your blogroll SO I NOMINATE YOU FOR THIS AWARD!!!”.

              Maybe I am just mean and cynical.

  1. Random Female Blog 10/27/2011 at 4:34 PM

    Italian mafia will chase you now.

  2. rsmithing 10/27/2011 at 6:04 PM

    Mr. Berlusconi, what a surprise to see you doing a guest blog post! But shouldn’t you get back to helping with your neighbor’s economies? Lest yours, the 10th largest in the world, teeter into the same fate? Ciao!

    • Michael Cargill 10/27/2011 at 6:36 PM

      Allo Anglo Saxy

      I am looking at sexy faces too much to bother with neighbour’s econo monies. I have many millions in bank so if nation goes bad I can flee to Gibraltar with ladies.

      Ciao

      Silvio

  3. mooselicker 10/27/2011 at 9:48 PM

    Would totally be your wingman.

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