Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Casserole dish looking forward to a new challenge

casseroleContemplative

A cream-coloured casserole dish has described itself as “Feeling upbeat,” and “Dead serious about tackling something a bit more exotic in future.” The dish, which was received as a Christmas present from an old aunt in Canada, told us “At first life was great and stress free. I would go in the oven, sit there for 45 minutes on gas mark 7, and then come out again and everything would be dished up. It was all hunky dory.” However, this continued humdrum existence was simply not enough for the Deluxe Easy Wipe kitchen utensil. “After a while I started getting fed up with the same old same old. I would come out of the cupboard wondering if I would be doing a souffle or maybe even being used as an impromptu punch bowl, but no – it was always two jars of Uncle Bens cheese and tomato pasta bake sauce and a bag of quick-cook penne pasta.”

Despite all this time spent taking it easy, the dish admits that “I’ve learnt a lot over the years,” and that at first “Everything was an adventure.” “Making a casserole is no easy task,” because “You have to make sure that everything is cooked through properly and once that oven door closes you’re on your own. That damned gas flame is like a machine, it just churns the heat out without even so much as a by your leave. It’s relentless.”

Optimistic

The dish has plenty of tall stories to tell. “This one time, just as everything was about to be put into the oven, a family friend unexpectedly turned up for dinner. There was a big rush to cram in extra bits of sausage, broccoli, and pasta in and I did the best I could given the circumstances. Once it all started heating up and bubbling away I did my level best to keep everything in, but by the end of it I had sauce dribbling all down my sides. Believe me, it took a lot of soaking and scrubbing to get me back into shape but, well, that’s just an expected cost of doing business.”

Looking to the future the dish wants to “Branch out a bit,” and has a “good idea of what I want to do after bouncing some ideas off of the colander. I wouldn’t mind starting off with some basic frying, just a few bits of bacon and maybe an egg or two. I’m large enough to deal with it easily enough and I reckon I could move onto sausages within a couple of weeks.”

“Baking a wedding cake is my ultimate dream though. That, or a pizza.”

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9 responses to “Casserole dish looking forward to a new challenge

  1. robpixaday 10/24/2011 at 9:26 PM

    Casserole angst! LOVE this!

  2. mooselicker 10/24/2011 at 10:56 PM

    I knew a casserole dish back in my army days. He didn’t turn out so well. Charlie caught him and used him as a chamber pot. He was never the same again. Could never quite get that smell of Vietcong shit off of his porcelin face.

  3. Lisa 10/26/2011 at 12:38 PM

    Original. I like giving voices to inanimate objects. It keeps me sane.

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