Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Danish fat tax is ‘an insult to the American people’


President Obama lashed out at the recently introduced Danish tax on fatty foods, as “Akin to a declaration of war on 75% of the American population,” which is “pretty heavy, if you’ll excuse the pun.” Obama also said that he is holding meetings in the war office and is due to talk with lawyers at the UN. “We’ve got a lot on our plate right now, if you’ll excuse the pun.”

When asked about the possibility of launching attacks from UAV drones, the Pentagon stated that “No scone is being left unturned,” and “every military department wants their bit of the pie, if you’ll excuse the pun.”


Former Republican pin-up girl Sarah Palin said “The Tea Party says NO to all taxes, especially ones that make our BBQs more expensive,” and “Every dog has his day, if you’ll excuse the pun. No, wait, I got that wrong gosh darn it. These jelly babies are giving me such a sugar rush.”

Chris Christie, a tubby Republican who is campaigning to be the president of the state of Cadbury, was nonchalant about the new and joked “This is discrimination on a huge scale, but not as huge as me on the bathroom scales.” He then went on to say “Whatever happens America will win, because we’re the best at everything,” and with a twinkle in his eye added “Especially at bad buns. I mean puns.”

Chris then excused himself as he had to find his “Yoghurt mat. Sorry, I meant Yoga.”

4 responses to “Danish fat tax is ‘an insult to the American people’

  1. malf922 10/06/2011 at 11:09 PM

    As an American, I have to agree. We’re the fattest nation on earth, and I think that Germany is the only country that is close. We can’t have our cake and it it too. See what I did there?

    • Michael Cargill 10/06/2011 at 11:52 PM

      I certainly did see what you did there and I beseech ye verily or something. I had always assumed that the UK was the next closest to be honest.

      Sounds like we need to beat the Germans back again…

  2. Goblin Kitchen 10/14/2011 at 8:33 PM

    Ha! Fat America deserved this but in their ( our, though I am vegetarian and thin yet still American) defense, the US economy apparently needs people to eat junk food for its survival. It’s the only thing America makes anymore.

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