Michael Cargill
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Mayhem in Bushy Park: hungry pigeon interrupts busker
Posted by on 10/05/2011
Eating
Local pigeons have been causing “Mayhem and panic,” in a popular park in London this week. Professional busker Mark Lawrenson was “Just getting warmed up,” when a pigeon unexpectedly “landed on the ground.” Mark was upset because “This is a bloody good busking spot,” and “I had to wipe the mouth organ clean again because I dropped it on the grass during the panic.”
Observer Sue Wall said “He was just getting to the good bit in ‘How much is that doggy in the window?’ when that horrible pigeon flew down and tried to pick up a bit of bread. I was sending a text message to my daughter and I pressed the wrong key by accident; I hope she realises I meant tea-set and not tea-sex.”
Danger
Wild animals have often been the bane of Londoners lives over the years as pampered urbanites meet nature in a clash of wills. A squirrel caused a stir on Comic Relief Day when it approached a mime artist and “wildly flicked its tail,” before “scrabbling up a tree.”
Grieving pet owner Katie Wand told us of her experience with a feathered monster: “I saw what I thought was my dead cat’s spirit coming towards me in the form of a beautiful, white dove. I reached out and it landed next to me on the bench and then flew off again. I was distraught with grief and anger when someone told me it was just a bloody pigeon.”
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Note of Frugality: Pigeons can be released at weddings in lieu of costly doves. This leaves the newlyweds with more cash for booze and smokes and helps clear the streets of rogue pigeons. It’s win-win.
Welcome back April, your avatar brings some much-needed elegance and class to this place.
Your dove-substitute idea is intriguing and I wonder if it could be expanded into other areas as well: Rabbits instead of guide dogs? Penguins instead of zebras for road crossings?
Meerkat bank lobby employees?
Now you’re talking. Something to replace those nasty secretaries that handle bookings at the doctor as well – a gazelle for instance.
Here in America the homeless pluck and cook pigeons so it keeps their abundance in check.
I wish that happened here. If you go to Trafalgar Square you have people feeding the annoying little buggers – they are a tourist attraction!
Well you know America is known for it’s obesity. The homeless eating pigeons is all part of their patriotic duty to keep us high in the ranks. Even if those ranks are obesity. We are America. We must be number one.
Never underestimate the American mentality to try and best themselves. It’s why I don’t believe all these reports that say the US is about to be surpassed by China – the Yanks fought off the threat from Russia, from the Japanese Yen in the 1980s, from the Asian ‘tiger economies’ and they can fight off the Chinese as well.
It’s also why they won’t ever get the obesity problem under control, they will win at all costs.