Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Nurse Ratched dispences her wisdom and experience

Hey, Nurse Ratchnurse ratcheded here. So many of you have so many problems bothering you that I feel the need to help y’all out a bit, to put some steel in your bellies and some fire in your hearts. I once had a problem with a little dog doing doo-doos on my lawn and the silly old dear who owned him didn’t know how to put a stop to it. Eventually I caught the little twerp, put him in a sack, and threw him in a river: problem solved.

Dear Nurse Ratched

My son never tidies his room. I have tried offering him sweets as a reward and grounding him as a punishment, yet nothing works. What should I do?

First of all, you should put your son up for adoption and get your balls cut off. You clearly aren’t able to keep kids disciplined and he will no doubt grow up to be a Facebook addict who sits in his room smoking cigarettes all day. Try digging a hole in his bedroom floor and then covering it with a sheet and some toys. Hopefully he will fall through the hole and break some bones and learn to tidy his room in future. If that doesn’t work you should kill yourself.

Dear Nurse Ratched

I was short-changed in the local shop but because I didn’t realise until I got home, the owner won’t do anything. What should I do?

There are several things you can do. The easiest would be to bully someone else into giving you some money but you don’t seem the type to do that, what with being a big scared chicken and all. You could try kidnapping one of the owner’s children and demand a wedge of money from them. Finally, you could set fire to the shop and retrieve the change yourself from the ashes when the firemen have gone. If that doesn’t work you should kill yourself.

15 responses to “Nurse Ratched dispences her wisdom and experience

  1. sparklebumps 10/03/2011 at 5:23 PM

    Nurse Ratched scares the beJesus outta me, but I think she is just understood. Maybe if she got laid, she wouldn’t have been so pissy….

    • Michael Cargill 10/03/2011 at 5:28 PM

      With all those male patients and all that medication she had access to…

      I reckon she was like that guy in the first Kill Bill film. “My name is Buck and I’m here to fuck”.

  2. sparklebumps 10/03/2011 at 5:30 PM

    Well, I suppose it’s hard to get a boner when your brain is gettin’ zapped.

  3. Bothered 10/04/2011 at 2:52 PM

    Is it just me or has any other guy thought that Nurse Ratched was kind of hot. That starched uniform, white nylons, and hat always had me going.

    • Michael Cargill 10/04/2011 at 3:40 PM

      She is actually, yeah. The way she just sits there in silence but underneath you know she is exploding in hormones and hatred as she plots a thousand schemes against you.

  4. Random Female Blog 10/04/2011 at 6:00 PM

    Any problem can get solved, that is.
    But Nurse Ratched hot? Kinky.

  5. Random Female Blog 10/05/2011 at 6:07 PM

    *trying to not imagine certain things*

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