Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Drunken ewok rant claim that Mark Hammill is a racist dick


An actor who played one of the ewoks in George Lucas’ cult classic film Star Wars reeled off an expletive-laden rant against Mark Hammill at a recent Ewok Banjoree. The actor, a 57-year old Irish leprechaun known as Shamus McGovern, had been drinking heavily for most of the day and claimed that Hammill often called him an “Irish waste of space,” and once said “If I ever found your pot of gold I would shit in it,” after McGovern hid in a cupboard and jumped out whilst wearing Princess Leia’s gold bikini.

Hammill often made anti-Irish comments within earshot of McGovern, stating that Ireland was a “nation full of warthogs,” and that if Alec Guinness went there “He would probably be made president purely because of his surname.”


This isn’t the first time that Hammill has been criticised for his behaviour. During a promotional visit to the 1980 Olympics in Russia, Hammill held up a syringe and said “These are not the ‘roids you’re looking for,” whilst addressing some American athletes. When the athletes complained Hammill responded saying they “should get a sense of humour,” and then added “Some of the female athletes look like they probably have a penis.”

When asked who shot first out of Han Solo and Greedo, Hammill responded “Who really gives a shit?” and that he “Gets fed up with fat weirdos asking me if I have a land speeder in my garage.” The best part of the films, he says, were “When I got to see Carrie Fisher sunbathing on top of her trailer,” because “She looks great and loved a beer and a smoke in the evenings.”


5 responses to “Drunken ewok rant claim that Mark Hammill is a racist dick

  1. greatlakessocialist 09/30/2011 at 5:20 AM

    Thank you for giving such a great insight into the world of modern film. Hilarious.

  2. BrainRants 10/01/2011 at 1:24 PM

    This is comic. Truly comic.

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