Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Stray tyre rolls down hill; causes chaos, but has time of his life


A stray speeding tyre briefly caused chaos for the residents of a steep hill in Cambridge yesterday. The tyre, which “appeared out of nowhere,” said he had “the time of my life,” during his speedy, uncontrolled descent down Crown Hill. “I’m not as young as I used to be and I have to admit the acceleration caught me by surprise a little bit… but man, what a rush! On the way down I saw a kid on a skateboard and I was like ‘Hey there kid on a skateboard, high-five me!’ and you know what he did? He high-fived me without missing a beat.”

Local residents described the event as “A right mad carry on,” that was “totally out of character for the area.” Paula Able, who lives on Crown Hill, told us “I was mowing the lawn because it was a Tuesday. I always mow the lawn on Tuesdays and that tyre had no right to do what he did. I would’ve stayed in-doors if I’d known that was going to happen and I called the police immediately.”


The free-wheeling tyre’s epic journey came to an ignominious stop when he hit a tree at the bottom of the hill. “I was disappointed and a little bit pissed off at the time, but I don’t hold a grudge or anything; that tree has been there for years so I doubt there was any malice in it. I hit a stone on the way down and got some real air under my treads which was something I’ve never experienced before. Me, the tree, and the stone, we all had a right chuckle about it afterwards. The police were called but they were cool with it and said it was just one of those once-in-a-century type things.”

“I just wish someone had recorded it and put it up on YouTube. That would have been epic.”


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