Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Just ‘cos you’re smart, don’t mean you can help everyone

Hi. My name is Max Werther and I am pEngineerroud to say that I have been a fully qualified electrical maintenance engineer since 1974. If something needs tweaking or fixing or screwing real hard then I am the man with the tool that people can call upon, provided that it’s to do with electrical-type stuff as that is all I know. My heart was broken in the summer of ’75 when someone rang me up and said, “Hey Max, you’re a smart and handy guy who knows how to do a job in a jiffy bag. Would you be able to help me out?”

Now, ordinarily I would be more than happy to assist a man who is trying to pull himself out of a sticky hole but it turned out that this particular job involved a car. Now, cars are electrical in nature, and I know this ‘cos I have looked under the skirt of many a beautiful creature before, and if you get a good one it can be a real sight for sore eyes I tell you. Sometimes when you peek inside it will be dirty and messy, but other times it’s all nice, clean, and tidy down there, which is just how I like it: means I can slip right on in without a fuss, do the business, and be back home in time for tea before the wife even realises I’m gone. But in this particular instance it was a problem with a tyre, and I ain’t comfortable when dealing with fiddly bits of rubber that are designed to help protect one’s undercarriage.

Unfortunately, this guy just weren’t taking no for an answer and I started to feel guilty. Every time this sort of thing happens I am reminded of that Dr. Banardos guy; the legend goes that the Doc spurned the advances of a boy because he didn’t have enough room in his bed for him. This boy then went on to die of exposure during the night and the good Dr. felt bad afterwards. Now, this may sound facetious, but that is exactly how I feel whenever I have to turn down a man in distress.

Anyway, I told him to get lost in the end the guy is a complete arsehole.

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