Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Do you ever leave a tip for your doctor?

stethoscopeSomething that always shocks me is the reaction I get after telling someone that I like to tip my local doctor.  As far as I’m concerned, a civilised country should strive to support the more vulnerable members of society and my experiences suggest that most doctors don’t have so much as two pennies to rub together.

For instance, when was the last time you saw a doctor listening to music?  Pretty much never, right?  And you want to know why?  It’s because those headphone things they’re always wearing round their necks are the exact same ones that the medical world was using back in the 1950s.  Take a look at any old hospital photos if you don’t believe me, but I’m telling you there’s no way that that big old-fashioned connector on the end will ever fit in any modern MP3 player.

Tipping your doc is also nice from a morale-boosting perspective.  Just the other week, as I was pulling my trousers back up, I spotted a weary look on the doctor’s face as he peeled off his disposable gloves and threw them in the bin.  Right there and then, I could see that he was in dire need of an extra little incentive to turn up for work the next day and that it was time for me to put my hand in my pocket.  Knowing that I had to be quick, I waggled my finger around the inside of my wallet as expertly as he had rummaged around in my lower colon, before producing the princely sum of £2.45 and placing it on the table in front of him.

The look on his face was priceless!

Mind you, if there’s one thing that does annoy me about doctors, it’s the fact that the tight-arsed bastards never seem to have a bowl of complimentary mints in reception any more.

13 responses to “Do you ever leave a tip for your doctor?

  1. spaghettisquiggles 12/01/2013 at 7:56 PM

    This was a really interesting post :) As ignorant as it sounds, my initial response to this was that I didn’t think you could tip doctors, but then I questioned why not, and I couldn’t find an answer…I think you’re right about boosting morale, but how do you know how much you should tip?

    • Michael Cargill 12/02/2013 at 8:54 PM

      It should be on a scale depending on what’s wrong with you.

      If you’ve got a sore thumb, leave a 50 pence tip.

      If you’ve got rabies, leave £50.

      If you went in by accident because you thought it was the Chinese takeaway, leave immediately.

  2. No Blog Intended 12/01/2013 at 9:04 PM

    Literally my first reaction to this title was ‘yeah – they don’t make enough money already’.
    I’m pretty sure every doctor would do that priceless face…

  3. RO 12/01/2013 at 9:25 PM

    Haha awesome!

  4. gingerfightback 12/02/2013 at 7:57 AM

    I just get a flea in the ear when I go

  5. Lily 12/02/2013 at 4:04 PM

    I think in the states they make a lot more money because we pay a lot for healthcare. Like, doctors are super rich. So if they held out their hand for a tip I would be like, “Bitch please.”

    But I did love this post. Very god insight about the earbuds. My favorite line was “I waggled my finger around the inside of my wallet as expertly as he had rummaged around in my lower colon…” So great!

    • Michael Cargill 12/02/2013 at 9:13 PM

      Yeah, we pay tuppence and ha’penny for healthcare over here, so doctor’s surgeries are usually stationed in a tent somewhere.

      And toilet humour is BEST HUMOUR.

  6. ocdreader 12/03/2013 at 6:02 PM

    I think I will bring a bowl of mints next time I go to the doctor.

  7. Pivotal Matters 12/28/2013 at 8:38 PM

    I’d suggest apples, but that would be bad for business.

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