Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Odds and Sodds

I don’t care what the advertising blurb says; a Starbucks gift voucher would make a really crap Christmas present.

John G, Manchester

Shoppers: fed up with tax-dodging supermarkets getting free advertising at your expense?  Simply turn your ‘complimentary’ plastic carrier bags inside out next time you pack your groceries up.  That’ll teach the robbing bastards.

Sarah F, Bolton

I don’t know about anyone else, but I find the misspelling of the word ‘Sods’ highly distracting.  Not only that, it sets a bad example to young, impressionable children and future generations will look back on this as time of decadence and illiteracy.

Dave, English teacher at Highbury secondary school

To the driver of the number 60 bus who decided to drive off, just as I got to the bus stop after sprinting 50 yards to get there on time: you’re a wanker.

Adam R, Rochester

A well peeled baby carrot serves as an ideal prop to fool people into thinking you are eating a human finger from a distance.

Satan, Hell

To the English teacher complaining about the misspelling of the title, I think you’ll find it was used as a way of keeping the alliteration consistent.

Michael C, England

If you’re bursting for a shit mid-way through a long shift, simply rush back to the depot as quickly as you can.

Driver, number 60 bus

14 responses to “Odds and Sodds

  1. Little Miss 11/29/2012 at 11:00 AM

    I love the turn the plastic bags inside out comment, now if I draw a Waitrose scribble on the other side no one will know I shopped at Aldi.. ;)

  2. noonebutabloghead 11/30/2012 at 10:29 AM

    I agree with Mister Satan – many’s the time people have looked on in horror as I pulled that carrot trick.

    Do Starbucks really sell gift vouchers?

    • Michael Cargill 11/30/2012 at 11:44 AM

      Caffe Nero do, I was quite surprised.

      Starbucks is more suitable for an international audience, though. Go me.

      • noonebutabloghead 11/30/2012 at 12:42 PM

        I was thinking that at least Starbucks sell CDs, so there’d be a reason to specifically go in for that.
        Are vouchers for food and drink places normal? Do Greggs do them? McDonalds? Wetherspoons?

        The world is weirder than satire sometimes.

  3. jbmumofone 11/30/2012 at 10:33 AM

    I would love a Starbucks gift voucher.
    *Runs away in shame*

  4. Linda 11/30/2012 at 10:44 AM

    Neat faux Twitter conversation you’ve got going there Michael – love it :-) PS Does Costa Vouchers say the same thing about you too ….?

  5. IntrovertedAnalyst 11/30/2012 at 8:54 PM

    As someone for whom caffeine is lifeblood, I would adore anyone who gave me a Starbucks giftcard for Christmas. Not having to pay for all the delicious and overpriced stuff would be a gateway to more espresso. It’d be the most useful thing of all (which, I would imagine, is why I never get one).

    • Michael Cargill 11/30/2012 at 9:08 PM

      What’s this? A comment from dearest Maggie…? Yeees!

      I consider you to be a high brow blogger, so seeing you here has me shrieking, squealing, and flailing in delight.

      I’m too giddy to even respond properly. Lifeblood of caffeine? Sounds like a vampire story.

      • IntrovertedAnalyst 11/30/2012 at 10:16 PM

        Well, congratulations- I’m not sure how to respond properly to that either :) I mean, how should one respond to the news that you made someone flail and shriek? Although I am kind of worried that my blog is considered highbrow. I mean, I wrote an entire piece eumulating a Monty Python sketch for that thing.

        It does sound like a vampire story, except to sustain the lifestyle you have to be able to afford the various mediums of caffeine. Much harder than sneaking out at night and bloodsucking people.

  6. Pete Howorth 12/01/2012 at 7:41 PM

    Where do bus drivers go for a shit mid-way through driving round?

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