Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

‘Dust is magic’ claims owner of Magic Dust Confectionery

dustSweet

Tony Wood, owner of the Magic Dust Confectionery corporation, has kick started a war of words, by stating that “Every speck of dust, has a touch of magic about it.  Everyone should eat more dust.”  The controversial comments were made during a high-level corporate meeting, to discuss a new marketing strategy.  When asked to confirm if he stood by his statement, Tony was unapologetic, and said, “Yeah.”

Blissfully unaware of the maelstrom that he had set in motion, Wood then went to a fast food restaurant, once the meeting had finished.  According to McDonalds employee Sue Marks, he had “A Big Mac, medium orange juice, and six chicken McNuggets.  He didn’t seem familiar with the the menu, so I asked him if he wanted a meal deal for only an extra 50 pence.  I was surprised when he turned this down, but what can you do in these days of the customer always being right?  I recommended the BBQ ranch dip for his nuggets, but he declined that as well.  He was wearing a suit, so he probably didn’t want to get anything on his shirt.  Makes sense, I guess, but that dip really is nice.”

Sour

Part-time cleaner John Redgrass wasn’t happy, when he heard about Wood’s claims.  “Look, I spend all bloody day sweeping up after these people, and he comes out with rubbish like that.”  Redgrass is keen to dispel the myth before it gets out of control, “Not many people know this, but dust is actually about 70% shedded human skin.  So, can someone tell me what’s so bloody magic about that?  He’s basically promoting cannibalism.  I’m absolutely fuming here, and I haven’t even got around to washing the windows, yet.”

Asthma sufferer Jenny Grain also disagreed with Wood.  “I reckon he’s mentally ill.  I have to hoover every, single, room in my house, three times a week, because of my condition.  If he thinks that that counts as magic, he’s probably been spending too much time watching those crappy David Blaine clips.”

18 responses to “‘Dust is magic’ claims owner of Magic Dust Confectionery

  1. a gripping life 08/20/2012 at 1:28 PM

    Eating dust might not provide you with magic powers but I understand it’s loaded with fiber, so eat up, everyone!

  2. Mooselicker 08/20/2012 at 11:01 PM

    So you’re saying I should sell my grandma to a magic shop?

  3. Julie Rainey 08/22/2012 at 2:18 PM

    Darnit. I was hoping to join Hogwarts, oh well. No magic for me. :)

  4. Anna 08/22/2012 at 7:23 PM

    Anybody? No? Dust.
    Anybody? No? Dust.

  5. noonebutabloghead 08/23/2012 at 12:14 PM

    I’m not totally sure what I just read, but I like it.

  6. The Creative Outpost 08/23/2012 at 4:54 PM

    My allergies would have to disagree with the poor chap!

  7. Lily 08/24/2012 at 11:41 PM

    I always have to remind myself that your posts aren’t real. The whole time I’m like, “Wow I can’t believe someone would say that!” or “I can’t believe he didn’t get the BBQ ranch dip!”

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