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Highbrow Blogger Becky
Michael Cargill
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Scrabble, Scrabble, toil and double word score
Posted by on 28/05/2012
Hello dearies, Grandma Marlow here. These days my kids are all grown up know-it-alls with big, fancy houses full of iPod this and Call of Duty that. The other day my grandson was showing me how clever he was by beating someone in a game of World of Warcraft. It was kind of impressive I guess but, to be honest, it all looked a bit amateur and fly-by-night; if there is one thing that everyone in this family will remember, it was the day I scored 365 points in one turn at Scrabble. QUIXOTRY, I salute you. Double word tiles, you and me are best friends forever. I have been the Christmas family gathering Scrabble champion ten times in a row now and not one of those so-called educated whipper snappers with their so-called Wikipedia smartboxes can get anywhere near me.
Whenever any of them come round, I can see the fear on their faces the moment they put their foot on my doorstep. Sometimes I can even smell it as the memories of a decade’s worth of defeats overwhelms them. Yeah, that’s right sweetie. Grandma’s bones might be flaking and her wings might be bingoing, but her mind is as sharp as it was way back when she used to shout wild obscenities at strangers walking past her house. You see that welcome mat you are wiping your feet on? Yeah, that’s right honey; it’s a psychological booby trap ‘cos you know and I know that you aint ever gonna manage to spell that word out on this here Scrabble board. Nuh-uh, toots. Nuh-uh.
Remember those times when you would feed your dinner to the dog when you thought I wasn’t looking? I would slave away making a nice offal bake only for you to laugh at me behind my back. Oh, and remember that time you dropped a pickled onion in my cup of tea? Well, it’s payback time baby and I aim to get my revenge thrice-fold; crack open the Scrabble DELUXE box and let’s partay ’til sundown.
You, me, FLATFISH and the triple-word score have got a jamboree to attend.
So this is only tangentially related, but yesterday when I was at Kensington Market (a big closed off street market near China Town in Toronto) they had a giant game of scrabble happening in the middle of the street. The board was about 12 feet by 12 feet, and each of the letters was like a foot long and a foot wide. I probably messed up the scale completely because I’m not a scrabble afficionado, but I do know that it was really cool and I wanted to play.
Awesome story there Breezy, it reminds me of the giant keyboard scene in the film Big. I think I want to marry you.
Will you marry me?
ahaha!!
That’s worth about eight points I think.
That grandma’s a tricky one.
Scary as hell as well. Scrabble players have vast amounts of patience, any revenge they dish up will be served very, very cold.
But but but grandma, that onion wasn’t me, it was my brother! I swear!
Too late deary, you are both getting a well-spelled out spanking from nana.
Love that game! We are going to have to get you playing, “Sramble with Friends”.
Wordfeud is exhausting enough. Intelligent and educated people keep beating me with their intelligent and educated ways.
I haven’t heard of Wordfeud. I will have to check it out
Grandma Marlow is a crazy Scrabble genius. Maybe they can find a way to use the scrabble letters on her gravestone?
Good call actually. What happens if the plot has a double corpse tile under it…?
My Grandad’s a bit like this. We need him and Grandma Marlow in a Scrabble-till-death kind of tournament where the winner gets some free Werther’s Originals, or something. You know, old people stuff, like.
Old people stuff, it’s scary in its pointlessness.
Blue rinses, walking sticks and cat food.
BOR-ING.
That’s good.
OH YEAH, Granny – I’ll kick your wrinkled, smelly scrabbley ass from one bingo board to the next.
She will smack your head with her stick.
Only If the old hag has enough energy left after our ultimate battle of strength and wit: Hungry Hungry Hippies. If that doesn’t tire her out, we’ll play a nice family fun game of Russian roulette complete with real guns and bullets.
First of all you should know that I haven’t been getting any emails about anyone’s blog. I’m so behind. What’s wrong with stupid wordpress?
Are Grandma Marlow and Nurse Ratched friends? I think they should be. Grandma Marlow sort of reminds me of my Grandma — I know, scary.
I’m too messy for Scrabble. Boggle is better for people who always smack their knees into objects and drop them as well.
This started out so innocent then became the rantings of your inner grandmother.
Yr character reminds me of one of mine, Ma, who can’t stand questions. Ask her a question, she goes catatonic. Only wodka will bring her around.
When you say SCRABBLE, “they” scramble. Happy Scrabbling (?).