- Off up to the London velodrome today. I've had me porridge and had meself a nice poo, so I'm all set to break a world record or two. 1 week ago
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Vladimir Putin reviews a glass of Coke
04/28/2012Posted by on
Hail, comrades! Today I take special delivery of Coca Cola, elixir of taste and fizz. Coke is symbol of Western propaganda, so it delivered in secure box and guarded by KGB agents who ride atop mighty steed of grizzly bear. If Coke manage to escape and run away, it might setup camp in woods and organise democracy rally march. For security I make sure all doors and windows closed, plugs in sink and bath stuffed with ear wax, and chimney blocked with carcass of starving horse. I also leave key in keyhole, so Coke not able to sneak look outside of room.
I unscrew lid of Coke and immediately I see it froth up and try to escape. I let fizz come out slow, so as to keep it in bottle cage. When pour in glass it take me by surprise and froth up much faster and this time it escape over rim of glass! I shout and call in guards so they stop it run away. They get hairdryers and shoot hot air at Coke so it dry up and no trickle across floor. I worry that if it get in ground then Coke plant sprout up and have lots of Father Christmases grow from branches. Father Christmas well known for emptying his sack in sock of children, much like Catholic priest.
Now come to taste Coke, but I worry that Coke is like virus and infect me to be host for something bad. I get guard to drink Coke and then I smell his burp to see if I like or not. Guard drink it but he no burp. I tell him drink more, but he still no burp. I have guard shot for being traitor and decide to drink Coke myself. It nice and tasty and make me do loud burp. I hear guard laughing at my burp so I set bear on him and then I kill bear by getting in headlock.
Next week, if I manage to get tin opener back from neighbour I review Heinz tomato soup.