Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

Q&A with Harriet Spinster from Mumsnet

Hi there, sisters. Just taking a break from spying on my husband (SOMH) and enjoying a slab of my favourite chocolate (FC). Last weemumsnetk I accidentally let my guard down and the bastard showed his true colours again. He came home late from work – no doubt because he’s having an affair with every slut in his office whilst I slave away looking after the house – and I made him cheese on toast for dinner. Although he thanked me and kissed me on the cheek, I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t actually grateful in the slightest. I was more than prepared to make him two slices of toast but there just wasn’t enough cheese left after I had cut the mould off. It also wouldn’t have hurt the bastard to buy me some flowers (IWHHBBSF) once in a while.

Dear Harriet.

The other night my husband woke up went to the toilet and then came straight back to bed. He fell asleep again without embracing me and telling me how much he loved me. It has also been at least two months since he last bought me flowers. Am I being unreasonable in expecting that sort of thing every single day?

Mon Cherie, you’re not being unreasonable at all and your husband is clearly a complete and utter bastard. I dread to think how many affairs he is having behind your back and you should ask for a divorce immediately. Actually, no. Don’t ask – you damn well TELL him you’re getting divorced. He has brought all this on himself so there is no need for you to ask him for anything ever again.

The thought of him standing there naked in the middle of an orgy of whores and sluts, pounding and thrusting away for hours and hours, is too horrible to imagine so just don’t think about it. Cast any thoughts of him laughing, joking, and having sex with women other than yourself out of your mind. All those other women, they are sluts, bitches, and cows.

Honey, I am so sorry. You should have a nice bar of FC and think about chopping his dick off.

20 responses to “Q&A with Harriet Spinster from Mumsnet

  1. jbmumofone 04/04/2012 at 9:00 AM

    I agree with Harriet. What a wazzock.

  2. Little Miss 04/04/2012 at 9:02 AM

    This is hilarious, because it’s probably true ;)

  3. breezyk 04/04/2012 at 11:21 AM

    Damn. Don’t mess with Harriet.

  4. A Gripping Life 04/04/2012 at 1:02 PM

    Harriet sounds a little hormonal, if you ask me.

  5. fuonlyknew 04/05/2012 at 1:03 AM

    Somebody should buy Harriet some flowers before she…….

  6. Lily 04/05/2012 at 6:43 PM

    Harriet sounds like a psycho in the making. Paranoid, angry, and bitchy. Women can be terrifying sometimes!

  7. (Just)Above Average Mum 04/06/2012 at 6:48 PM

    Christ alive! Harriet is scary, but it’s probably true! I loathe mumsnet and I get stabby when I read the posts on there.

  8. noonebutabloghead 04/06/2012 at 10:17 PM

    I’ve never been on Mumsnet, but whenever I hear about them tearing into a politician, this is the sort of thing I imagine them to be like.
    Wasn’t there a big deal a while back cos Gordon Brown wouldn’t tell them what his favourite biscuit was?

  9. Pingback: H is for Hilarious! | Mum Of One

  10. Helloitsgemma 04/19/2012 at 7:14 PM

    Clearly you are spending too much time on Mumsnet. Step away from the forums – only bad things happen there. Freaking hell if they discover your a bloke – they’ll send a lynch
    mob. It will take days to organise but come it will.

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