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Highbrow Blogger Becky
Michael Cargill
Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
Q&A with Harriet Spinster from Mumsnet
Posted by on 04/04/2012
Hi there sisters. Just taking a break from spying on my husband (SOMH) and enjoying a slab of my favourite chocolate (FC). Last week I let my guard down and the bastard showed his true colours again. He came home late from work – no doubt because he is having an affair with every slut in his office whilst I slave away looking after the house – and I made him cheese on toast for dinner. He thanked me and kissed me on the cheek but I could see in his eyes that he wasn’t grateful. I would have made him two slices of toast but there wasn’t enough cheese left after I had cut the mould off, but that doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t have hurt the bastard to buy me some flowers (IWHHBBSF).
Dear Harriet.
The other night my husband woke up, went to the toilet and then came straight back to bed. He fell asleep again without cuddling me and telling me how much he loved me. It has been at least two months since he last bought me flowers. Am I being unreasonable in expecting that sort of thing every single day?
Mon Cherie you are not being unreasonable at all. Your husband is clearly a complete and utter bastard. I dread to think how many affairs he is having behind your back and you should ask for a divorce immediately. Actually, no. Don’t ask – you damn well TELL him you are getting divorced. He has brought all this on himself so there is no need for you to ask him for anything ever again.
The thought of him standing there naked in amongst an orgy of whores and sluts, pounding away for hours and hours, is too horrible to imagine. Just don’t think about it. Cast any thoughts of him laughing, joking and having sex with a woman other than yourself out of your mind. All those other women, they are all sluts. Bitches. Cows.
Honey I am so sorry. You should have a nice bar of FC and think about chopping his dick off.
I agree with Harriet. What a wazzock.
How dare you!
*shakes angry male fist at JB*
Responds by smoothing down apron and flapping tea towel.
Oh, the shame.
The WI will never allow me back now.
This is hilarious, because it’s probably true
Glad you liked it! Mumsnet is quite scary sometimes…
Damn. Don’t mess with Harriet.
She leaves piles and piles of snipped-off testicles wherever she goes.
Harriet sounds a little hormonal, if you ask me.
Just a tad, yes.
Somebody should buy Harriet some flowers before she…….
I think she would need an entire garden of them to keep her calm.
Harriet sounds like a psycho in the making. Paranoid, angry, and bitchy. Women can be terrifying sometimes!
Yeah, you are telling me!
Christ alive! Harriet is scary, but it’s probably true! I loathe mumsnet and I get stabby when I read the posts on there.
Some of the stuff on there is… unsettling.
All the acronyms are hilarious though.
I’ve never been on Mumsnet, but whenever I hear about them tearing into a politician, this is the sort of thing I imagine them to be like.
Wasn’t there a big deal a while back cos Gordon Brown wouldn’t tell them what his favourite biscuit was?
He probably kept thinking about the games of Cheesy Biscuit he used to play with his mates in school.
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Clearly you are spending too much time on Mumsnet. Step away from the forums – only bad things happen there. Freaking hell if they discover your a bloke – they’ll send a lynch
mob. It will take days to organise but come it will.
The site tends to go offline within a few minutes of me going there.
I think they can smell me via email or something.