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Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.
George Lucas keen to dispel rumours that he is an anteater
02/15/2012Posted by on
George Lucas’ legal team was on a PR offensive last night when news leaked out that the multi-millionaire Star Wars franchise owner might be an anteater. A witness has claimed that she saw him acting strangely in a London restaurant at the weekend. “I was sat at my table when out of the corner of my eye I saw Lucas bend down and a long, thin tongue started protruding from his mouth. At first I thought it might just be a loose bit of spaghetti, but then it started moving around on the floor as if it was looking for some small insects.”
Restaurant owner Marvin Marv confirmed that his establishment were aware of the rumour and he wanted to reassure patrons that they don’t allow any animals in the dining area. When asked if it was true that Lucas had been seen scratching and grooming himself at his table, Marvin responded with “I cannot confirm or deny that at this time.”
Regular movie-goer Fran Rogers stated that it is a well-kept secret that something isn’t quite right with George Lucas. “For instance, have you ever seen him eat an apple? Or even a pear? If you look at the mouth of an anteater there’s no way something like that would fit in its snout, so it makes sense that Lucas wouldn’t try to eat one. And what about a satsuma? No way would an anteater be able to peel one of those.”
A spokesman for Rentokil stated that they received an emergency callout request from a London eatery at the weekend, but that they are still awaiting test results before being able to confirm anything. “I can state that we cordoned off an area once we discovered evidence of claw marks on the floor and on one of the tables.”
“We recovered a long thin ivory-coloured object that could be either a claw or a beansprout.”