Michael Cargill

Regular updates of sarcastic and irreverent nonsense.

US uncovers serious ‘Iranian pepper pot’

Discovery

US Attorney General Edward Scissorhands has announced that the CIA have uncovered evidence of a “serious breach of seasoning protocol” that has put the nation on a “high state of alert for meal times”.  CIA agents were sitting down at the dinner table deciding “whether we should have custard or yoghurt for desert” when someone “pointed at the condiments tray and asked if the purple pepper pot with swirly Arabian writing on it was really one of ours”.

The whole canteen area was put on high alert and a thorough examination of all cutlery and non-essential food items was made.  Agents went into “full-on Rambo mode” once it was discovered that all the teaspoons had “made in China” written on the back of them.  A source told us “it was pure chaos with kicks flying, punches being thrown and everyone shouting secret code-words into their ear-pieces”.

Stuff

President Obama has ordered that “all sachets of sugar and tomato ketchup are to be destroyed” and urged US citizens to “throw any of that foreign-looking shit away, just in case” but added “any Mexican souvenirs with sombrero hats on them can be kept.  They are kinda cute and sassy looking”.

A similar security scare occurred in 1984 when a gift box from Sweden started emitting a suspicious green glow.  “This was at the height of the Cold War so we thought it was some radioactive waste from the Russians” a retired Whitehouse aide told us “but it actually turned out to be some plastic glow-in-the-dark Ghostbusters toys”.

12 responses to “US uncovers serious ‘Iranian pepper pot’

  1. Random Female Blog 10/12/2011 at 12:53 PM

    I just see it happening…
    From now on “full-on Rambo mode” is in my inner vocabulary list.

    • Michael Cargill 10/12/2011 at 1:08 PM

      Go for it sis. When you start hearing that phrase on TV, radio and on Facebook status updates you can sit back and smile because you know where it all started.

      Right here in this ‘lil blog.

  2. Random Female Blog 10/12/2011 at 1:10 PM

    So we have permission to spread the word?

  3. Michael Cargill 10/12/2011 at 1:27 PM

    I command thee, ye glorious and beautiful Random Female, to permission thyself to proceed forward and spread thine words of “full-on Rambo mode”.

  4. A Life Less Boring 10/12/2011 at 6:06 PM

    What’s next? We stop change the name French Fries to… Oh wait.

    Awesome post

  5. Bothered 10/12/2011 at 7:31 PM

    Very funny. I was bothered before I got here, now I’m checking everything in my house to be safe. I also liked your post on the lottery. Where do you come up with some of this stuff? You have a unique and may I say slightly off mind. But in a good way.

  6. Pingback: Add this to your vocabulary | randomfemaleblog

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